Content warning: Gun violence and school shootings

I used to love school. Now, I fear it.

I am a product of the public education system. I spent 13 years in the system. The thought of homeschooling my kids popped into my head when I was 12 when news broke that Sandy Hook Elementary School had suffered a tragedy. Twenty-seven people, students and teachers, lost their lives on December 14, 2012 and before that, there were other mass shootings, including the infamous Columbine Massacre.

I first learned about Columbine when I was in the sixth grade in history class when my middle school's security detail spoke about what to do when we as students felt threatened or bullied and that if we didn't, something like that tragedy could occur. I remember that he showed us clips of the students running from the attackers and that's a sight I will never forget. I can only imagine what those students and teachers felt at that moment. I'm only 11 years old watching students and teachers run to avoid bullets as if they're on the battlefield.

Countless other encounters also have prompted me to stand by my decision of homeschooling my children, such as the Parkland Massacre that happened my senior year of high school and a recent outbreak of a school shooting where parents got in an altercation over a parking space at an elementary school and a gun was pulled.

I went from practicing fire drills and tornado routes to learning to hide in the corner in the darkroom and stay quiet. I went from being able to walk the halls whenever to having to pray that nothing popped off while I was in the restroom.

I experienced a serious lock-down my junior year of high school during a final exam and that shook me to the core. I didn't know what was happening and my cousin had just left the room to go to the restroom, so not only am I wondering if my best friends and other family members who attended high school with me are safe, he's out there (luckily a teacher pulled him into their room right when the lock-down commenced). I remember packing my books up and moving to the corner away from the door, but still finishing my test in the dark, the teacher standing over us and blocking the door with a baseball bat in hand.

In light of recent events, I've deemed it unsafe to step outside and retrieve the mail. It's unsafe to go anywhere these days, so I can only imagine what society will be like when my children are old enough to go to school. Critics say that homeschooling children can deprive them of social and communication skills, that they don't know how to share with others or work with a team. But I can guarantee that my children will know and excel in the homeschooling system as if they were at a public institution.

I can't imagine the pain mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, brothers, and sisters go through when they hear that there's an active shooter near their family members. I don't want to wonder if the one day I walk my daughter to the bus, would she not make it home. I don't want to feel the pain knowing my son is in the ICU after being hit by a bullet.

Semi-automatic weapons belong on the battlefield with the men and women who took an oath to serve and protect this country and everyone in it; not in the malls, not in the bars and clubs, not in the grocery stores, not at music festivals, and not in schools.

To the 1% who own America, wake up. Our children are dying and before long, you could suffer a loss, too.