I stand in awe.
The silence fills the cavernous room like humidity on a Texas afternoon. It drips down the stained glass windows, dewy and thick. I am overwhelmed with veneration and reverence towards this holy space. The architecture, vibrant colors, and gilded ceilings all show you an inkling of the glory of the Lord. Something about visiting these centuries old cathedrals stirs an emotion within me that I cannot quite describe. It is a feeling of overwhelming respect, wonder, and awe. I step into these churches and I am filled with a gust of grace; my breath escapes me.
Everything goes still and my senses heighten all at once.
“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace--only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.” -Anne Lamot
I know I am in the midst of something so much greater than myself. I cannot utter how incredible it is to experience raw bits of Catholic history firsthand. I want to live a life of shameless devotion like St. Catherine of Siena. I want to radiate humility and meekness as the pious Saint Fina did. To want for nothing but to glorify the Lord. How can I be mighty and fierce in my faith like St. Catherine was, despite all odds?
The jaw-dropping reality of seeing the holy relics and bodies of these saints was hard for me to fully comprehend. To be in the presence of such holiness and piety, of those who gave of themselves so freely, I felt a strong push. The Holy Spirit gave me a necessary shove. I felt it draw near; I imagined it swirling around me like a million tiny crystals, taking me to another dimension, until everything was still.
“Live like this,” it slowly whispered.
My mind did not fully grasp what the Spirit in my heart was trying to communicate. The Holy Spirit is very patient with me, yet persistent, so it gently leaned in and urged me once more.
“My dear child, live like this. Live like the saints.”
I knew, standing in those churches, feeling swaddled by the Holy Spirit and removed from the world, that I wanted to live radically for the Lord. The Lord so graciously reminded me of this on that very day. I had never been so excited and passionate about my Catholic faith before. Catholicism is not dying out as the frescoes in these churches are fading away, no. It is alive and rapidly flowing all around.
I feel it coursing through my veins, and I am thirstily wanting to know, experience, and do more. Centuries of Catholicism became alive and present; the dust was blown off as I visited the holy sites of Italy. I felt like an adrenaline junkie, but instead of jumping off of cliffs to experience a burst of adrenaline, I was bursting into churches, aching to feel the Holy Spirit. By listening to this desire, and drawing near to the Lord, I feel Him draw near to me oh so sweetly and gently, day by day.
Italy has brought me food, people, and architecture, but most importantly, it has brought me to the onset of a spiritual movement within my soul that has changed my life for the better.
“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” -St. Catherine of Siena
