"Happy Valentine's Day!" is what the balloon that hit me in the face at the grocery store said.
I've been more or less mentally swatting away the thought of this upcoming day of celebration for lovers. As I sit writing this article, I'm in my house on the border of DC, getting ready to go bowling with some coworkers, and preparing for my long day of work tomorrow where I intend to squeeze out every last penny from the oxytocin induced diners. Yep, just like a little Scrooge. I put myself down to work a double so I could maximize income while guaranteeing chunks of hurried distraction.
Roughly a year and a half ago my world came crumbling down around me in a way that I can only describe as leaving me without color vision, black and grey consumed. It has been a monumentally taxing journey to get to where I am now, and I can't help but feeling as if I'm so very far from being out of the woods. In summary: I was taken advantage of by a very unhealthy person who I trusted immensely and I live with complicated feelings on all of that, which will take time. Even the sheer notion of believing that I deserve more than the toxicity I grew accustomed to is a far stretch for my brain's instincts.
As you're remembering why these days are hard on your heart, give equal power to thinking about all you've done for yourself to move ahead. If I feel myself starting to spiral, the following have helped in alleviating the oncoming emotional wave:
-Acknowledging the strength it took to get me here now, no small feat
-Sensory grounding!
-Feeling the earth with my bare feet (it helps in shrinking what feels overwhelming and reminds me of my smallness in the world)
-Stretching/yoga to connect with my body and get my blood flowing
-Smelling candles or incense (my recent favorite has been rose incense cones)
-Holding something (pretty much always my cat - highly recommended)
Most importantly, having and holding compassion for yourself. This life is not easy and comes littered with many challenges so if you've made it this far that's commendable in itself. Holidays amplify emotions, whether they be pain, joy, etc. There are endless pieces on self-care, but I advocate to first return to the basics. Try and get ample rest; if you're on meds remember to take them; make sure you're eating something of nutritional substance; take a shower; and move your body in some way. That's pretty much it. After that you can knock yourself out on Lush bath bombs, fuzzy blankets, and chocolate lava cake galore.
It's a tough world out there, be kind to one another and know that someone cares about you. And if you say, "well, Emma, I don't really think anyone does", know that I do. I care about you. Keep putting in that wonderful effort.
