We all know the hipster community as a very tight-knit group of people with keen fashion sense, knowledgeable about all the latest trends in food, style, and literature. To those of us who could never identify as a "hipster", this world seems very foreign and strange and we often contemplate why hipsters are the way that they are. Who are these Jesus sandal-wearing 20-year-olds, driving Jeeps and hitting up small group every Wednesday night?
Us outsiders have many questions for you folk, most of them involving your fashion and food choices. From a non-hipster to the brave new world of hipsters, why are the following items... a thing?
1. Birkenstocks (Jesus Sandals)
If Crocs were banned from the fashion scene, why are Birkenstocks still relevant? Correct me if I'm wrong, but feet are not the most attractive feature on the human body. Why would we want to display them, in all their dirty glory (because heaven knows, Birks don't help with cleanliness), when we could just as easily be wearing sneakers? Or flip-flops that don't restrict your toes from wiggle movement? Why are these weird shoes still considered the height of fashion?
2. La Croix
Is it sparkling water or holy water to you guys? Not rhetorical- I genuinely want to know.
3. An obsession with kale & avocados
Do not get me wrong, I like avocados just as much as the next girl. But ordering avocado toast with a kale salad EVERY day at brunch? It's getting a little old, guys. Let's get some diversity up in here and maybe start paying attention to other fruits and veggies? They're starting to feel lonely.
Someone please tell me why drinking fermented tea sounds like a good way to spend your morning. I don't care what anyone says about getting "acclimated to the taste" or it being "different but good". This stuff is gross. I'm sorry, but it just is.
5. Huge thin-rimmed circular glasses
I'll be the first to admit even I did the thing where you buy a pair of non-prescription glasses and wear them because you think it makes you look cool (sorry, world). But seriously what is the DEAL with getting these huge circular glasses specifically and wearing them in every Instagram shot? Why must they look like that, hipsters? Why?
6. Vintage band t-shirts
Based on what I've seen from your extremely aesthetic Instagram pics, one is not a true hipster unless they own a large collection of vintage band tees- even if they have absolutely no clue who the band is or what any of their songs are. Let me just ask you, Ashley- have you even listened to a Guns N Roses song before?
7. Labeling yourself "a photographer" because you got a canon for Christmas
One of the most wonderful things about the hipster community seems to be how accepting they are of aspiring photographers. Even if one has never taken any picture but a selfie before, the moment they get an expensive camera for Christmas, they are allowed to change their bio to "Photographer" and immediately post their availability for bookings. So beautiful.
8. Having a SoundCloud... or worse, broadcasting it
Another truly incredible example of how open the hipster community is to sudden new career choices- the SoundCloud account... because yes, Chad, the world does need another 10-minute long EDM track.