Coming Home With High School Heartbreak

Coming Home With High School Heartbreak

Whenever I come home, it's a graveyard to my high school boyfriend.

440
views

I pass the park that we used to hang out in after school,

I drive the roads we used to go down together

and I am overwhelmed with memories.

Whenever I come home, it's a graveyard to my high school boyfriend. Especially when we had first broken up — I could barely drive past any of ~our places~ without feeling a deep pit in my stomach. I come home from college for such a short time but 60% of that time is reminiscing on what we used to do here and wondering what he is doing now.

I'm surrounded by my family, who I rarely see, but we can be driving somewhere and I see it — like a flash before my eyes, taking me back to my 16-year-old self. My mother usually asks me about 23 times throughout my stay home: "Do you ever talk to _______," and immediately I feel sick. Even after all this time — I still feel sick. But when that sickness subsides I can't help but wonder if he's feeling this way too.

Why is that?

Am I still so hurt after all these years? I don't think that's the case. We had made our hometown ours. And while I try to separate the two every time I come home, I will still see the parking lot where we had my first kiss or the restaurants we used to frequent.

It's just an adjustment to see this town by myself as opposed to seeing it with another person.

But that happens when you come home.

We come home to our towns as new people, and while the memories can consume us, the new lenses we see the town through show how much we've changed. We're not the same that we were in high school and we will never be that way again — but the memories that may sometimes put pits in our stomachs helped us get to this point, and for that I am thankful.

So instead of dwelling on those memories as bad ones, I'm looking at them with gratitude. Without them, I wouldn't be where I am without him or this town. I'm going to take this time during the holidays to cherish the present instead of dwelling in the past. I'm thankful for him, this town and how the shaped me to be the woman I am.

Popular Right Now

31 Tips That Helped Me During Freshman Year Of High School

It can seem like an impossible task to start high school, but with a bit of advice, it's a lot of fun.
38040
views

Starting freshman year of high school can seem like a tough situation to be in, but it was actually so easy to do. High school is a lot of fun if you know what to do, which includes the following pieces of advice.

1. Know where your classes are located without needing a schedule.

The big switch from middle to high school was easier for me than moving from elementary to middle school, and one of the biggest reasons why is because I knew that memorizing the locations of my classes beforehand was extremely important. One of the biggest things that bugged me about starting high school was wondering whether or not I would successfully be able to locate each of my classrooms in the five minute breaks given in between classes. Prepare for that properly by looking at a map of your school and then figuring out the best routes to each class from the previous one.

2. Don't buy too many school supplies.

Yes, having everything with you seems great and all, but it's such a hassle to dig through infinite pens and glue sticks to find your pair of scissors. Don't be the one kid who's held up last because he or she can't find his or her supplies at the bottom of the pencil pouch. Just ask your teachers what you should have for each class, and bring that! You won't have to worry about not having everything for the class because you already asked your teacher.

3. Try to get enough sleep.

It sounds like fun to be able to sleep so late at night without getting in trouble, but when you have to wake up early in the morning to get to school, it's not fun at all. You want to get a solid eight hours of sleep to stay healthy, and many nights, looking at the hours pass by on the clock is discouraging. I still remember telling myself many nights, "There goes my chance at sleeping early tonight." Okay, it sounds tough to sleep early most nights, but if you just try and get your work done as soon as possible, it's a possibility you can head to bed by 10!

4. One test grade does not determine your whole future.

Don't worry about it so much. The occasional bad grade during a stressful time of the year is perfectly normal. Maybe you don't do so well at the start of the school year as you're trying to get into the gear of being in high school. That's fine! As long as you know that you're putting in the effort and trying your best to do well in school, you will do well!

5. Manage your time wisely, especially with extracurricular activities.

Schoolwork increases throughout the year, so make sure that when you designate time for each part of your life, so you don't spend too much time with extracurricular activities that you're swamped with schoolwork later on. It's unwanted stress that can be easily prevented if you know how much is too much work for you.

6. Figure out a plan for your high school career.

By this, I mean devise a flexible outline of what class schedule you want to have each year of high school. If possible, you can even take classes over the summer! By having a small picture of what you want your future to look like while you're still in school, you have a much easier time deciding what classes you prioritize above others. And when you're done with the schedule, you get to see where you think you're headed up to senior year.

7. Don't do too many extracurricular activities just to look good for colleges.

It's not worth it! You'd be putting way too much stress on yourself just to look good, and striving so hard for a good image can make you do poorly in school. Don't do that to yourself, please. Participate enough to be noticed, but don't do so much where you think that you'd have to be a superhero to accomplish all of your work by your deadlines. You're just starting high school, and that amount of work needs to be cut down.

8. Don't be someone who runs in the hallways.

They're just as annoying as slow walkers. Everyone is just trying to get to their classes, and those who run are just holding everyone else behind. Because of how crowded it is in the hallways, people can get hurt, too. Don't be one of those people who gets someone hurt just because you feel like running. The school is not big enough to make you unbelievably late to your classes, so don't act like it.

9. Know what you believe in, and prioritize that above all else.

High school will make you question some of your smallest values, and whether or not you choose to stick to your beliefs is up to you. But in a place where you will be extremely independent, you have to stand up for yourself. Don't make decisions that don't accurately reflect who you are in terms of morals just because you want to appeal to other people. Be smart! You have your morals and priorities for a reason, so now is the time to enforce them on yourself.

10. Take classes over the summer.

This is obviously optional if you don't feel like it, but I highly recommend it. As you go through high school, you're going to have to start thinking about what career pathway you want to get into. And because there are so many course options for career pathways, taking core classes over the summer that you're not interested in frees up your schedule to do what you really want to do during the year, That way, you may have a lot of work, but it's for a class that you want to take.

11. Being independent is a tough task that sometimes isn't fun.

Teachers and other students are not going to help you all the time. You're getting older, so you're expected to act like it. The freedom of having control over your own life is fun and thrilling, but with that same freedom, you can't rely on others all the time. That especially affects you when you make poor decisions about your school career and do your assignments late or incorrectly. That's on you, so make sure that you know that being an independent person means that you take full responsibility for your actions.

12. Don't compare yourself to others.

This is something basic that you have to understand. There are the select people that always want to compare scores with you, and it gets annoying. There are two reasons why you shouldn't be one of these people.

1. They're annoying and ask you for your score even if it's a bit intrusive.

2. Why compare yourself to others when it doesn't determine anything about you?

You could be putting yourself down for no reason. Don't compare your score to others' just because you want to measure yourself against them. That doesn't say anything about how you can improve yourself.

13. Make sure you know someone in your classes to ask questions.

You'll definitely have at least one question in each of your classes throughout the year, so knowing at least one person in each class and being able to contact them prevents you from messing up on an assignment.

14. Not everyone is going to be nice to you, and that is perfectly okay.

You won't be friends with everyone, which is completely normal. Just stay in your lane and keep doing what you're doing in school. Focus on yourself and not about what others think about you.

15. Make sure your backpack isn't filled with unnecessary objects.

This is to make sure that your backpack isn't super heavy. Don't leave stray papers or other things sitting at the bottom of your bag because they build up and either make you bag heavy or make it tough to stick other books or notebooks in there. You can easily avoid this by just maintaining organizational habits that prevent you from throwing papers anywhere you want if they don't belong somewhere in your bag. Save yourself the trouble of cleaning your bag out by just staying organized.

16. When teachers give you advice for an assignment, take it.

They are the ones who made the assignment, and they've been high schoolers before. They know exactly what is best for you when it comes to finishing an assignment they created. Listen to them because convincing yourself that only you know what's best for you is not how you should use your newly-gained freedom from adults. You're still young and need some guidance, so take whatever you can from them while they can help.

17. Have a go-to music playlist for late-night study sessions.

Obviously this part is up to you, but having a playlist full of songs that you like will make studying a bit more fun for you. Yes, classical music is proven to help you while studying, but you need to at least be comfortable with the music that you're listening to; if you don't like classical music, you should have the freedom to listen to what you want. Studying will go by a lot faster if you do this, and when you're done, you'll feel like the study session was much easier than it usually is.

18. The night before a test will be stressful, but you will get through it.

It's a big unit test, and you feel like you don't know half of the material you're studying. You've reviewed this in class, so you're going to be fine. Just review the material to the best of your ability, and when you've answered all of your questions, get as much rest as possible. It's just one test, and you will pass it if you at least study for it.

19. Don't cram for an exam the night before.

Going off the last one, you won't be as stressed the night before if you've studied for the test for a few days. It always feels like a test covers a lot of content, and you'll probably do better on the test if you don't cram everything in your head just one night before taking the test. Get yourself in the habit of being prepared a few days before so the night before is a simple review of the content before you head to bed.

20. Stay organized, even if you're not the best at it.

Being organized was important in middle school because it was much different than elementary, but since high school is a bit tougher, you need to be more organized. Always have a planner or calendar of some sort with you that tells you due dates and deadlines for assignments. That planner will become your life saver. You school might provide you a planner, but you can always buy one for yourself. Another good way to stay organized is if you get a locker in case you have a lot of books.

21. There are lots of deadlines, and you can feel overwhelmed at times.

It's a part of being in high school, so if you feel like you can't handle the numerous deadlines, you can. You have teachers, peers and family members that are there to help you if you need anything. Being in high school will be stressful at times, but if you are a good student and stay on top of your work, the days leading up to a deadline will be stress-free. Stay organized and prepared, and you will be rewarded.

22. Balance schoolwork with the rest of your life.

You have friends and family that you want to spend time with, so make sure that when you take your classes and do your work that you put off some extra time to spend with the people you enjoy. These people will help you throughout your years, so make sure that you give enough time to both working and having fun. After so much stress, you need some time to relax.

23. You will make mistakes that could have been prevented.

There's no doubt that freshman year won't be perfect. If you make a mistake by forgetting to do your homework or being late to class because you chose not to run in the hallway, it's OK! Let it go, and learn from it. Maybe you were doing too much the night before, so you didn't do all of your homework. Maybe you were talking to a friend instead of getting to class, so you were late. Learn from these experiences if they happen because they are ways to teach you to grow up and become responsible. It's all part of the high school experience.

24. Don't change who you are to impress others, even if it benefits you somehow.

It's a universal concept that goes for any situation, but just don't change yourself at all. You might want to attract the attention of a few people who you want to be friends with, but do it by being yourself. Most people aren't going to be mean to you for no reason, so even saying "hi" to someone new is nothing to worry about. Just don't try to be a different person for approval.

25. Get to know who your counselor is.

This person will help you with many of the concerns you may have. You can always ask him or her for help because they are there to help you. If you can't get help from a teacher or parent about a problem, going to your counselor is a good idea because they are meant to help high schoolers. Getting to know them allows them to become familiar with you and know who you are, too.

26. Keep your old friends close, but make a lot of new friends.

High school is much bigger than middle school, so a lot more people will be joining from other schools. Getting to know a bunch of people and making friends makes high school interesting instead of sticking with the same friend group. Lots of people end high school in a much different friend group than the one that they start high school with. Be social.

27. Utilize your Orientation Day to the best of your ability.

Orientation Day should be happening at your school, and it's a day that takes place less than a week before school starts. That's when you get a physical copy of your schedule and get to meet your teachers. Make the most of the time that you're at school. Ask your teachers what you need, locate your classes, get a locker if you want one, and get a feel for how your school looks. This is the big day to prepare for your new freshman year. If you don't know if you can go to Orientation Day, I really recommend doing your best to go.

28. Don't be afraid to ask for help from anyone.

It can be embarrassing to ask for help when so much pressure is placed on you for being independent, but remember that you are still just a freshman. You're really young and still don't know how the whole school works, so asking for help is completely acceptable and normal. Ask teachers where a class is if you can't find it, and ask friends or peers for help if you don't understand something. You're growing up, so asking for help is okay!

29. Summer work cannot put off until the last minute. Get it done.

Trust me, you may have a good time forgetting about your summer assignment, but when it comes time to actually do the work, you won't be too happy having to spend the last few days of your vacation doing it. Get the work done as quickly as possible so you can actually enjoy the rest of your summer break. Also, if you do the work at the end of summer, it will probably looked rushed. If you do it at the beginning of summer, you can do it quickly but still know that you have a lot of time to finish it.

30. Don't let one bad day ruin your week. You're doing great.

And bad days will come, even if you're a generally happy person. Sometimes a bad grade or a small fight with a friend can ruin your day, but remember that you're still growing up and that this is all a part of the learning experience. Take this as a lesson for the future, and don't let that bad day ruin the rest of your week.

31. Don't slack off just because it's freshman year.

Please, save yourself the pain of fixing your GPA years after now because you chose to say that it's only freshman year as an excuse to not do your work. It sounds wrong to just think that! Work hard during freshman year because that's the easiest that high school will be! It only gets tougher after that, and freshman year is your transition year. Use it to be one step ahead and have high grades!

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

An Open Letter To The People I Decided To Stop Fighting For

"Stop begging and fighting for people to love you the right way. Stop investing time in people who don't mind if you stay or leave." — Reyna Biddy

1363
views

To the people I decided to stop fighting for,

It's not you, it's me. It's me who made the choice to put your needs above mine for longer than I should have. It's me who let myself be involved in an endless cycle of giving, without taking. It's me who continues to see the best in people even when shown a million reasons to take off the goggles-- to not float back down to Earth, back to reality. But to crash into pieces of what was once a flawless facade.

But it's you who were never going to change.

You were never going to see all the ways you hurt me, and I was never going to force you to. Just as you failed to understand, I failed to tell you there were repercussions... because there weren't.

I am a kind person, and I will not stop being kind. I am a compassionate person, and I will not stop being compassionate. I will, however, stop letting my kindness and compassion act as a gateway for mistreatment, for not second chances but third and fourth and fifth chances. Chances that you never asked for, but that I gave you anyways.

I have to walk away from the one-sidedness, from the excuses that I handed you on a silver platter. I let you walk all over me, and I even shined your shoes in the process. I am done using amazing memories as a means of masking toxicity with a happy past. The thing about memories is that they're used to reminisce about the previous, but I used them to excuse the things that you do in the present.

You were never going to stop making me feel small when all I'd do is try to lift you up. I suppose the more you let someone treat you as though you're small, the more they believe it is OK to do this, it is OK to belittle you. But it was never OK, and that's on me. It was me who'd tell you the ways you had hurt me, only to have you repeat them over and over again without consequence. And it was me who was fine with this.

I am without anger, without frustration, and without sadness.

I feel nothing but love for you, but I must also love myself enough to stop fighting and to let go of things not meant for me, things that no longer bring me joy and peace in my life.

Now I am exhausted, far too tired to fight for people who judge instead of love, who bicker instead of trying to understand. Because you weren't going to change. You won't change. And that's OK, that I've made peace with. But I have to change — I have to stand up for myself, and I have to walk away.

So I lay down my armor and I throw up my shield because it's time to start protecting myself, to start fighting for me.

Related Content

Facebook Comments