Coming Home With High School Heartbreak

Coming Home With High School Heartbreak

Whenever I come home, it's a graveyard to my high school boyfriend.

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I pass the park that we used to hang out in after school,

I drive the roads we used to go down together

and I am overwhelmed with memories.

Whenever I come home, it's a graveyard to my high school boyfriend. Especially when we had first broken up — I could barely drive past any of ~our places~ without feeling a deep pit in my stomach. I come home from college for such a short time but 60% of that time is reminiscing on what we used to do here and wondering what he is doing now.

I'm surrounded by my family, who I rarely see, but we can be driving somewhere and I see it — like a flash before my eyes, taking me back to my 16-year-old self. My mother usually asks me about 23 times throughout my stay home: "Do you ever talk to _______," and immediately I feel sick. Even after all this time — I still feel sick. But when that sickness subsides I can't help but wonder if he's feeling this way too.

Why is that?

Am I still so hurt after all these years? I don't think that's the case. We had made our hometown ours. And while I try to separate the two every time I come home, I will still see the parking lot where we had my first kiss or the restaurants we used to frequent.

It's just an adjustment to see this town by myself as opposed to seeing it with another person.

But that happens when you come home.

We come home to our towns as new people, and while the memories can consume us, the new lenses we see the town through show how much we've changed. We're not the same that we were in high school and we will never be that way again — but the memories that may sometimes put pits in our stomachs helped us get to this point, and for that I am thankful.

So instead of dwelling on those memories as bad ones, I'm looking at them with gratitude. Without them, I wouldn't be where I am without him or this town. I'm going to take this time during the holidays to cherish the present instead of dwelling in the past. I'm thankful for him, this town and how the shaped me to be the woman I am.

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The Coach That Killed My Passion

An open letter to the coach that made me hate a sport I once loved.
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I fell in love with the game in second grade. I lived for every practice and every game. I lived for the countless hours in the gym or my driveway perfecting every shot, every pass and every move I could think of. Every night after dinner, I would go shoot and would not allow myself to go inside until I hit a hundred shots. I had a desire to play, to get better and to be the best basketball player I could possibly be.

I had many coaches between church leagues, rec leagues, personal coaches, basketball camps, middle school and high school. Most of the coaches I had the opportunity to play for had a passion for the game like I did. They inspired me to never stop working. They would tell me I had a natural ability. I took pride in knowing that I worked hard and I took pride in the compliments that I got from my coaches and other parents. I always looked forward to the drills and, believe it or not, I even looked forward to the running. These coaches had a desire to teach, and I had a desire to learn through every good and bad thing that happened during many seasons. Thank you to the coaches that coached and supported me through the years.

SEE ALSO: My Regrets From My Time As A College Softball Player

Along with the good coaches, are a few bad coaches. These are the coaches that focused on favorites instead of the good of the entire team. I had coaches that no matter how hard I worked, it would never be good enough for them. I had coaches that would take insults too far on the court and in the classroom.

I had coaches that killed my passion and love for the game of basketball.

When a passion dies, it is quite possibly the most heartbreaking thing ever. A desire you once had to play every second of the day is gone; it turns into dreading every practice and game. It turns into leaving every game with earphones in so other parents don't talk to you about it. It meant dreading school the next day due to everyone talking about the previous game. My passion was destroyed when a coach looked at me in the eyes and said, "You could go to any other school and start varsity, but you just can't play for me."

SEE ALSO: Should College Athletes Be Limited To One Sport?

Looking back now at the amount of tears shed after practices and games, I just want to say to this coach: Making me feel bad about myself doesn't make me want to play and work hard for you, whether in the classroom or on the court. Telling me that, "Hard work always pays off" and not keeping that word doesn't make me want to work hard either. I spent every minute of the day focusing on making sure you didn't see the pain that I felt, and all of my energy was put towards that fake smile when I said I was OK with how you treated me. There are not words for the feeling I got when parents of teammates asked why I didn't play more or why I got pulled after one mistake; I simply didn't have an answer. The way you made me feel about myself and my ability to play ball made me hate myself; not only did you make me doubt my ability to play, you turned my teammates against me to where they didn't trust my abilities. I would not wish the pain you caused me on my greatest enemy. I pray that one day, eventually, when all of your players quit coming back that you realize that it isn't all about winning records. It’s about the players. You can have winning records without a good coach if you have a good team, but you won’t have a team if you can't treat players with the respect they deserve.

SEE ALSO: To The Little Girl Picking Up A Basketball For The First Time


Cover Image Credit: Equality Charter School

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Ghosting Is The Coward's Way Out In A New Age Of Relationships

What is so difficult about telling someone you're not interested?

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A while back, I was strolling through Target with my mom in the book section when she asked me what "ghosting" was. I explained to her that it was a common term for when two people were talking or dating when suddenly, one of the people fell off the radar with no explanation.

They became like a ghost––hence the term. Sometimes, it was even mutual ghosting.

The term has become so common, in fact, that my mom found herself staring at a book entitled "Ghosted," a story centered on a young woman who falls in love over the course of a week and unexpectedly finds herself ghosted.

I've read countless articles on this topic. Some are in favor of this decision, saying it's completely acceptable and even encouraged in some situations. Others find it gross, disrespectful and cowardly.

I have to say, I must agree with the latter.

With the exception of abusive circumstances, there really is no excuse not to pick up the phone and be honest with the person you've been talking to.

If someone has been investing time into you, getting to know you, then you owe it to them and yourself to end things properly. If you have gone on a few dates with this person, then expectations are now in place that should be respected. Communication is one of the major foundations of respect in any relationship––be it a romantic or a platonic relationship.

It's common sense and basic decency. When did those fly out the window?

If you aren't interested anymore, there's nothing wrong with that! The offense comes when you choose the coward's way out instead of choosing a more honorable route. Maybe the other person won't like what you have to say, but at least you can say you did the right thing.

Ghosting is a sign of emotional immaturity.

It's a selfish act that only succeeds in making the recipient feel bad about themselves, wondering what they did wrong...what they could have done differently. Not only is it hurtful, but it could lead to trust issues with future dating attempts, derailing their own love life.

You see, your decision has a domino effect in ways you probably don't care to see.

What is so difficult about telling someone you're not interested? Why not give yourself and your partner the closure that will help each of you move forward?

In all honesty, someone who ghosts you isn't really someone you want to be in a relationship, to begin with.

Think of it this way: They showed their true colors and you effectively dodged a bullet. Maybe it's the new dating trend, but it's not ethical or healthy by any means, and their poor decision may have saved you some major future heartache.

For now, just keep kissing those frogs. One of them is bound to turn into your prince/princess.

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