Kaitlyn Johns, a junior at Clay High School, takes 7 APs, is the president of four clubs, is a member of 12 other clubs, works part time, and volunteers on weekends. We decided to pay her a visit see just how she juggles it all.

When we entered Clay HS, Kaitlyn was waiting for us with a cup of hot chocolate and forced smile. She led us to the principal's office, where we'd be chatting with and interviewing her. She was quiet and courteous throughout the process, and even offered to conduct the interview herself. We, of course, respectfully declined this offer.

Us: "So, Kaitlyn, what drove you to pick so many difficult classes and extracurriculars?"

Kaitlyn: "Well, I really enjoy helping the community and learning is one of my favorite things," she said, grinning toothily and holding back tears.

U: "Um...ok can you give us a run-down of the classes you're in?"

K: "AP Calculus BC, AP Statistics, AP Biology, AP U.S. History, AP Seminar, Ap Chemistry, and AP Art History."

U: "How are you balancing all of that?"

K: "I mean I just work hard and manage my time wisely!" She gave a nervous laugh and darted her eyes toward the floor.

U: "Care to elaborate?"

K: "Nope."

U: "How do you feel about your upcoming finals?"

K: She glanced around before answering. "Hm? Oh yeah. Finals. Uhhhhh... I'm perfectly prepared! Yup! Totally ready and can't wait to take on the challenge!" She seemed to be reading from a script.

U: "How do you plan to prepare for them?"

K: "Oh you know, the usual. Study everyday for 6 hours. Nothing special."

U: "How do you spend your free time?"

K: "Free time? I'm sorry I don't know what that is."

U: "Alright final question: what would you like our readers to take away from your interview? What do you want to say to the world?"

K: "I just want people to know that I'm a perfectly functional teenager. I am well-adjusted, happy, confident, and not depressed or stressed in the slightest. Please tell everyone that this is NOT a cry for help and that I am definitely smiling and jovial right now. Be sure to write that I look really excited and optimistic."

She definitely did not look excited or optimistic, judging by the dark circles and the scowl creeping across her face. But ah well, she's probably fine. It's not like that was a cry for help or anything.

*Disclaimer* This is satire. These are not real people and I am not a real reporter. This is a joke. Laugh at your own discretion.