All we want to ask you is why?
We know that seems like an open-ended question, but it really is simple. Why do you feel like walking up to the women of this earth on the street, while we’re working, or when we’re out to eat with friends and making some comment about how our bodies look “fine,” or how you "want us" is okay?
I know what you’re probably thinking; isn’t your off-handed comments about how good we look considered a compliment? The answer is no. It will always be no.
Let us go all English major/inspiring writer on you for a second. According to Merriam Webster Dictionary, a compliment is formal and respectful recognition. This could range from telling someone how kind they are, how strong they are, or how diligent they are. These are all words that show you respect the person for who they are, not what they look like. They help the recipient potentially realize something good about themselves that isn’t always on the surface.
Given this, we don’t think telling someone that their chest is big is a compliment. You are not doing anything respectful, and all you are doing is stating a plain fact. They know that their chest is huge; they live with it every day.
What you are doing is making women feel scared. Have you ever walked down the street, have someone of the opposite sex spew a sexually-explicit comment at you, and then suddenly feel a surge of uncomfortableness in the air as you have to continue down the street like nothing happened? Have you ever had someone come up to you while you are working, asking for your number, and refuse to leave until you give it to them? Have you ever had the same person come back and try again, multiple days in a row? It is uncomfortable as can be, yet we can’t do anything about it because we are told so often that “boys will be boys,” or that we need to cover up or something.
I don’t think I can “cover-up” more in the middle of the freezing winter when I am wearing my work uniform or a full turtleneck sweater.
Don’t get mad when we don’t accept your “compliments.” You are asking us to feel okay with having you treat us as inferior and have us be okay with feeling harassed and exploited. You are asking us to be fine with having to live in fear of where we walk at night, how we present ourselves at work, or even just what we wear on a day to day basis. We shouldn’t have to drastically change our day to day lives in hopes of avoiding you.
Think about this little fun fact. Sometimes when we go on walks to coffee shops or other places in town, we often take a longer route, even if it is less convenient, just because we have had better luck with it being a safe walk.
Would you treat your female friend, girlfriend, sister, mother, or grandmother they way you treat a complete stranger? Think about that for a minute. What would you do if a female you cared about came to you to tell you about an occurrence of cat-calling? Wouldn’t you feel angry? You would do anything to comfort her and help her situation, so why would you cause this same trauma on some other women.
All I want you to do, more than anything really, is just realize that your intentions and expected outcomes of your words are not what is the reality. Please, if you don’t have anything productive or kind to say to us, or we don’t even know you, just don’t say anything at all. Keep your hands, arms, feet, legs, and mouth to yourself.
Sincerely,
Women
