Second grade. That was the first time I truly became aware of my body and compared it to someone else’s. One day my friend wore a really cute skirt that stopped just above the knee. I️ couldn’t help but notice how strong and great her legs looked in it! I️ thought to myself “wow, I️ wish my legs weren’t so skinny so I️ could look that great in a skirt.” I️ was 7 or 8.
From fifth to eighth grade, for some reason I️ valued the opinions of boys that suffocated the boy’s bathroom with Axe Body Spray and for sure didn’t use deodorant more than my own. That’s why when they would call me toothpick or pencil, I️ actually bought into it. I remember sitting in sixth grade health class and learning about eating disorders and feeling embarrassed when we talked about anorexia. Not because I’ve ever been anorexic, or suffered from any eating disorders, but because I️ didn’t want people to think I️ was anorexic just because I️ have a fast metabolism.
Not much later, I️ remember sitting in a sermon where the speaker said “guys don’t want girls with no meat on their bones. Real women have curves” and wondering what that meant for me because I️ very much so like guys and want them to like me back. But if I’m not curvy enough does that mean I’ll just end up alone?
In tenth grade I️ sat in history class where my male teacher said almost the same exact thing the speaker from the sermon uttered. These two events were years apart but as soon as my teacher said that, I️ was reminded of the confusion I️ felt the first time I heard it.
So here I am, a freshman in college, trying to figure out what to make of all the things I’ve heard about my body over the years. This is the conclusion I’ve come to:
1. My legs look great in skirts. Do I️ have calf muscles of steel? No. But I’m almost 5’8” and that’s a nice thing to be able to accentuate in a skirt.
2. Those guys from 5th-8th grade didn’t know the first thing about how to take care of their bodies, let alone try and tell me about mine. Hence them thinking that deodorant was optional and brushing their teeth was an every other day event. Oh and about my metabolism? God bless my parents for all the money they’ve dropped to support my 6 meals a day.
3. Which brings me to my third point. God bless my future husband (the one that will like my body even if it doesn’t look like Kim Kardashian’s) because by then I️ may have stepped my meal game up to 7 a day. I’m sure I️ won’t be thinking about what that speaker or teacher has to say about “real women” on my wedding day.
To think that I’ve wasted so much time listening to what boys and “men” have to say about my body is a bit scary. This entire time I️ could’ve been listening to my mom who was always reassuring me that there’s nothing wrong with my body. Although I️ can’t actually travel back in time and change the way I️ reacted to all the opinions about my body, I️ can reclaim my time by choosing to start loving my body now.
I️ could sit down with a girl who has the complete opposite body type as mine and hear her mimic my own experiences. She would probably confess to not appreciating her body either for quite some time. The moral of the story is, as women, we have all had experiences that would compel us to believe we shouldn’t be happy with our bodies. If you were looking for a sign to point you in the direction of self love, this is that sign. Today is a good day to start loving yourself :).
