So this is 22? My birthday is officially over and I am just a 22 year old, plain as simple. I have been thinking over the past few days, what I want out of this year. Looking back, I can remember so many times I've said "I want to..", "I need to..."or "If I want...then I should start..." but I never do anything. That is my problem, I know what would help or what I can do to change things I am unhappy with in my life, but for some reason I just can't. Not that I literally can't, I just put it off or say I'll do it at some point. This is one of my biggest pet peeves about myself; I know what would make me happy and what would help with my stress or anxiety but I don't do anything about it. Why? I don't know for sure but I think it has to do with me not wanting myself to be happy. This sounds really dark and sad, but it's simple; I don't want to allow myself to be happy because there is always a time when that happiness turns to sadness and I would rather just anticipate sadness so that I can prepare myself. I think this is because of all the death I have seen in just my 22 years of life. Also, I struggle a lot with anxiety which includes periods of really high, highs and really low, lows. My emotions and moods can change within hours. This can be because of anything but its mostly from me not being busy, which gives my brain time to overthink. I spend a lot of time alone which means I have a lot of time to sit and think about things that have happened in my life or opinions I have of myself. I suppose this will always be something I do, but I know that there are ways for me to cut down on overthinking and to make myself happier. This is why I have come up with 22 goals or "wants" for being 22; some might be simple or mediocre but these have all been well throughout and I think they can really improve my mental health and overall happiness. So here we go:
1.) I want to begin a sustaining weight loss journey, which would include me creating long lasting food and exercise habits.
2.) I want to start new hobbies and find new interests that I don't know I have.
3.) I want to get another tattoo, a tattoo for my nannie that I just keep putting off.
4.) I want to take more weekend trips to the beach, just to get away and clear my head even if just for the day.
5.) I want to get a job promotion (if possible).
6.) I want to start grad school.
7.) I need to stop using social media so much.
8.) I want to wear a bikini on the beach and not worry about what others think of me.
9.) I want to fall in love with reading again; books, news and research, I just wanna learn more.
10.) I want to talk to myself like I would talk to my mama.
11.) I want to focus on having myself instead of having X amount of friends.
12.) I want to stop looking at men for approval and worth.
13.) I want to start dating again.
14.) I want to travel somewhere, out of state.
15.) I want to try going gluten free (for my tummy issues).
16.) I need to focus on my family.
17.) I need to write to my grandparents, I need to get those feelings out.
18.) I need to be less emotionally dependent on my parents, especially my mom.
19.) I should be bold; I should make the first move, either sending the first message or initiating conversation.
20.) I should start reminding myself of the things I love about myself and telling myself these things.
21.) I have to rebuild my relationship with God, it's not as strong as it once was and I think that is the root of a lot of my issues.
22.) I have to believe my life is worth living and that I am meant to be just where I am.
I am hoping with these goals and habits in mind, I can really learn to start loving myself and being happy. I want to stop wishing or thinking, and just start living. So truly, here's to year 22!
