TINDER

So, I have a lot of single friends and they all make me laugh when they talk about being on this “dating” app, Tinder. They say things like, “why would you even put that picture on there?” and “well, shit guys, I just got a dick pic in this message!” I thought it over for a bit and I wondered, what should a guy have to do to get the girl on Tinder? Better question, what should a guy not do to get the girl.

This is a list a few girlfriends of mine and myself have come up with, it explains what a guy shouldn’t do on Tinder, the "rules" you could say, on how to have a perfect profile. This is definitely an app where, if you’re yourself, you won’t get any right swipes.

1. Why would you put a blurry first picture?

What is the deal guys? One of the first things it says when you log on is “pick your best picture!” when you make your profile. Is that your best?? Left swipe.

2. Bio: “I’m here for a good time, not a long time!” *beer clinking emojis*

Oh cool, so what I know about you is you drink a lot. Your first picture is you with a dead hog and blood on your face, you have a Hurley hat on with your tongue out in the second picture and your third is you constipated in the bathroom. Oh, he’s flexing? Wow. Left swipe.

3. You should only be allowed max 3 out of 6 pictures with filters.

Only because you look cute on your profile but when you snap me with no filter talking bout, “wyd boo” like boi bye. Do you have cat ears on, fake glasses on, a dog tongue, and a black & white shirtless picture? Left swipe.

4. Put your height on your profile.

OK, here is one you SHOULD do. Girls hate asking, it’s a little awkward. Just make it easy for us and put your height in your bio. Don’t be ashamed or anything, just know you’ll get a left swipe if you’re 5’10” and under. Xoxo. -all girls

5. If her profile bio reads: no Hookups.

You DO NOT ask for a hookup. She obviously is looking for something more serious. There are a lot of girls on Tinder, go get you one that wants hookups. Respect that girl enough to not send a random dick pic when you want some attention. Left swipe.

6. Don’t put pretty girls in your pictures.

You know girls are insecure as shit. If they see that pretty girl on your profile they’re gonna left swipe, because they feel like they’re not good enough and think they won’t make it with someone like you. Left swipe.

7. When you get that match, don’t spam message them.

If they didn’t super like you, back off. She obviously thinks you’re cute but doesn’t want your life story in the next 6 messages. Calm down, what if she doesn’t even what that with you? Like just chill, feel the situation out. If she doesn’t respond a little fast, she’s not seriously interested. *unmatched*