I remember

I remember being 15

And asking

Myself

In the dark

"When

Is the last

Time

I have been held"

When is the last time I felt warmth?

So I do what no one else would

And I held myself so tight

Too tight

Scared that if I open up

If I let go

I might disappear

I might accidentally

Let go all of the pieces

Of my broken

Heart

That I might lose my place

In my own arms

As though some stranger

Unbeknownst

Will come and steal

A hug away

Instead I had people

Who I looked to for hugs

Strip me away

They took

My pride

They took

My smile

They took My happy

They took My body

They took and they took

And I received

NOTHING

Not that i was left with nothing

But I really was given

NOTHING

It was offered to me in empty hands

Placed before me like a cruel joke

So I lied there

In my bed

Holding it all in

Holding me in

I held

Onto

Nothing

"Don't hold me!"

I push him away

Adamantly

"Don't hold me"

I can't take it

I couldn't possibly

Hold

So much love

In these arms that have served

As a straight jacket

To my emotional

Insanity

That's what it is

Insanity

Doing the same

Thing

Over

And over

Expecting different results

So therefore,

I must

For your protection

I must keep myself

Here

Here I Stay

Wrapped

Like the fragile

Thing you swaddled

In newspapers

While repurposing

Repositioning

Relocating

I would still end up

Breaking

Breaking down

Left

Rejected

And forgotten

Now, I find myself fighting

Pushing

Away

Those warm

Hugs

I starved for

With all of these tears

My arms were supposed to hold

Back

These strong legs could hold

Me

No longer

These lips could not hold

Together

Showing my teeth gritted

And stubborn

Held

In place by stifled

Cries

Yet here!

Here is warm embraces

But my straight jacket

Is cold

So here he is

Grabbing

Gently

My weakness

My vulnerability

And he stripped

The straight jacket away

From me

And gives me a long

Overdue

Embrace

So many nights alone

So many nights l

onely

So many nights cold

So many nights empty

Washed away in a sea of light

My tears falling

On a shoulder

For once

And here

In this love

In someone else's

Arms

I stay