Hemlock: A Short Story

Hemlock: A Short Story

You finally took back control.

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You decide to bake it into brownies as if it was weed. You think about how much harder it was to get than weed is, and about how it will be the perfect dessert to top off your last meal. Brownies always were your favorite, after all. Ever since your aunt Patty had made you a batch for your fifth birthday, the kind with chunks of semi-sweet chocolate in them and a chocolate buttercream frosting swirled on top, you have been in love with the decadent treat.

You start mixing the ingredients together, stirring everything by hand with a whisk because you know that if you use an electric mixer the brownies will become tough. After all, you want the last thing you ever eat to be perfect. You laugh to yourself as you start to sprinkle it in. You think about how this really will bring new meaning to the phrase "death by chocolate."

Baking always was a comfort to you. That and self-harm were the only ways you ever felt like you had any control over anything. When you baked, you could manipulate everything about your creation. You could change the taste, the texture, the smell, and so much else with just a flick of the wrist or the addition of a little more or less of an ingredient.

When you self-harmed, you finally felt in control of yourself for a change. You were able to control how you felt, even if what you felt was pain, and you were able to manipulate your own body and decide what happens to it. Now you're preparing to combine the two, to take total control back from your AWOL mind once and for all.

You remember the first time you felt like you weren't in control of yourself. You just couldn't stop shaking, no matter how hard you tried. Your hands were rattles and your arms were snakes, begging to be skinned. They tried to give you medicine to fix it, but it seemed more like poison to you. It made you tired all the time, made you stay in bed even more than you already did. It didn't help, either. You seemed to have all the side effects and none of the relief that was supposed to come with them.

They tried having you talk to someone. He didn't seem to tell you anything you didn't already know, though. He mostly just sat there, shook his head, said "mhm" a few times, and occasionally repeated back what you had just said in an affirming tone. He didn't actually help at all despite the astronomical amount you were paying out of pocket to see him because, of course, he didn't accept insurance.

Nobody left seems like they would miss you and you have nowhere else to turn. Your family members don't even call anymore and always seem too busy to talk. So you eventually come up with this plan. Now, nearly a month later, you sit on the floor of your apartment finishing the last bite of your dinner. You sigh as you look around your apartment one last time, taking in all the family photos and old fake smiles you wore in them. Cutting yourself a brownie, you close your eyes and stuff the entire awkwardly cut square into your mouth.

It bursts with flavor. Before long, you can feel your mouth starting to water for more. Or maybe that's just the foaming. Either way, your eyes roll back in pure ecstasy as it hits your stomach. It sends chills, shakes, convulsions through your body as a smile forms across your face.

You did it. You finally took back control. You finally feel free from the confines of your sickened mind. Then, nothing.

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10 Things To Do When Feeling Creative

A list of things to do when your creative juices are flowing and you need to put them to good use!
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A list of ten things that I do when I'm feeling creative--some ideas for you!


1. Paint

Head to a craft store and purchase some canvases, paint brushes, and paints and paint yourself some unique, beautiful pictures!

2. Slime

Make a plethora of different homemade slimes! This can be super fun and super messy if that's what you're in the mood for!


3. Pottery

There's so much you can do with pottery! You can paint, create, decorate and more! Get yourself some pottery clay and make something awesome!


4. Color

Get a few coloring books and make it a goal to complete every single page!


5. Scrapbook

Scrap-booking is one of my favorite things to do! The best part is, you can literally use anything you want because its so free!


6. Write

Feeling creative with your words? Write a short story, a poem, a song, this is just as creative as any other crafting.


7. Makeup

No matter what some people may say, makeup is definitely art to me. Practice some new looks if you want, or try a new product. Makeup is never supposed to look one certain way! There are no rules with it.


8. Redecorate

Feeling bored with your surroundings and also feeling creative? Rearrange your room, clean up, and redecorate if you want!


9. Shop

New clothes, new style? Try some new looks!


10. Photography

Go out with some friends and take a super cute and fun photo shoot!

Cover Image Credit: Google.com/Tumblr

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Art Is Anyone's To Make And Anyone's To Hold, That's Why It Means So Much To Me

I love the flexibility of it, allowing it to take any form or shape.

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The passing strokes glide by each other, each holding hands with their neighboring strokes.

The wind rushes them forward into a convoluted gesture of mixed feelings onto paper and forming a figure in the distance.

A girl.

Standing by the apple tree

looking up into the bottomless abyss we call our night sky

feeling time rush by, an intangible force streaming faster than any wind, any sea tide, any stroke.


She breathes in air and slowly time seems to vanish

and it's just her

and the night sky

the stars glimmer in the distance

and hold hands

in a serpentine path

forming the collection of the universe's belongings.


She breathes out.

And as she looks up.

She wonders

how everything in this universe came to be.


For me, that's something art can communicate in just a single canvas. It expresses intangible ideas onto a tangible material, shaped and created by our very own bodies — the boldest shout of humanity into the deep void.

I've loved art since I was a little girl. Its meaning to me would change as I grew up and developed deeper and more complicated notions and interpretations of the world but that didn't mean that I gave up on how I communicated it. There was always a blank piece of paper, a pencil, a handy eraser, and my imagination splashed out in front of me, daring me to begin. Art can be silly or fun but it can also be deeply abstract or sentimental. I love the flexibility of it, allowing it to take any form or shape. I like the enigmatic character it holds as it compiles you to think deeper on the artist's intent. And most of all, I love that it can be anyone's to make and anyone's to hold.

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