If you are not the best at comforting people, do not worry. I know quite a few people who have admitted to not being the best when it comes to helping someone feel better. Fortunately, I love helping others and I love helping them feel better and safe. I have for as long as I can remember. I want to write this article to help those who might have special people in their lives who may need someone to be there for them. So, if you feel as though your comforting skills are not the best, this might just be helpful.
The most important part of comforting someone is actually listening to them. When someone has a problem, they desire to have someone who is willing to let them spill it all out. With that being said, do not force the individual to tell you anything, but KINDLY encourage them, or at least let them know that you are more than happy to listen. Most people do not open up about their problems because they feel as though they are a burden when it comes to talking about things that have them feeling down. The majority of the time, they feel as though they are burdening someone by putting their own problems on others shoulders. Let them know you have more than enough time to listen to anything they have to say, rant, and rave about.
Another important part of comforting someone is being able to put yourself in their shoes. Do not only have one perspective on the situation. Do your best at putting yourself in the other person's position and try to understand why they feel the way they do. Empathy plays a huge role in this part because you really need to comprehend why the person feels what they feel at that time and place.
To improve your comforting skills, remember to ALWAYS be positive. Even when it may seem hard and difficult, remain positive and help the other person feel positive and okay. Remind the person that it is perfectly okay not to be okay all of the time. Remind them that they are human and emotions are a part of the crazy ride we are all on called life. Remind them that it is okay and no pain or situation will last forever. Optimism is so important when comforting other people because they confide in you in hopes to feel better, why would you want to make them feel worse?
Pay attention to what they are telling you. Eye contact is a huge bonus when paying attention! If you sit there and only add in filler words like "yeah, okay, mhm, and oh" it will only make the person that much more doubtful of their choice in confiding in you. Those filler words will also only make the individual feel as though you are not interested in hearing what they have to say, or helping them out at all. One idea to make sure they know you are interested and engaged in the conversation is to occasionally ask questions and recall information that they have said, and ask how that part of what they are telling you made them feel. This will prove that you are actually listening and care about what they say.
The last and most crucial part of comforting someone is making sure you tell them you care. Tell them that you love them and if that they ever feel like they need to talk about anything that crosses their mind, even for a second, to feel free to talk to you. This will make the person feel as though you are trustworthy and that you care enough about them and their feelings to take the time to help them out when they need a pick-me-up. Without telling the person that you care, they might not feel like you have any interest in their issues or any interest in helping them out. Reminding people that you care about them and their problems can actually be the one thing that can help them feel better and more secure. Just remember to remind them that you love them. Show them compassion.
