She's tried tinder. She's tried wearing a low cut bikini top in her Instagram pictures. She's tried roaming the aisles of Costco on Friday nights for a DILF, but my little sister, Emma, has had no luck with finding herself a boyfriend. There's not much more she can do to find the perfect guy. I have decided to create Emma a personalized dating advertisement in hopes that I can find her a man. With your help, maybe, just maybe, "Mr. Semi-Okay" is out there for Emma!

Emma's Physical Features:

Height: 5'2

Eye Color: Green

Food that describes her body shape: Meatball

Shoe Size: 8

Ring Size: 9

Random Facts About Emma:

Can burp the ABC's

Can rap Lil Wayne's part in Jay Sean's song Down

She once was convinced she had Sleep apnea, but it turned out she just had Mono

She was once cut from the volleyball team, cheer leading team, and the traveling show choir all in the 7th grade

Claims to not have a bad angle

What Emma Prefers:

Chinese noodles or rice? Noodles

Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi

Mullet or Mutton Chops? Mullet

Team Edward or Team Jacob? Team Jacob

Shirts or Skins? Skins

Some of Emma's Favorite Things:

Root Beer


Her dogs

A fierce 2001 Ford Escape

Bob's Burgers

What Emma is Looking for in a Man:

Someone who can support her financially, while she supports him physically

Someone who has the ability to lift her up like Baby in the last scene of Dirty Dancing

Someone who knows the difference between there, their, and they're.

Someone who will laugh at the Tweets she will DM you on Twitter

A heartbeat