Your early 20’s are some of the greatest years of your life. You have most likely prevailed in many areas of existence thus far. You have cooked a meal without burning the house down, paid a bill on time, and successfully completed a season or seven on Netflix. Nevertheless, there is still something you cannot seem to get right, a relationship. You have probably had your heartbroken a number of times and because of it you always swore to yourself you would never make somebody feel the way that you felt, until you did.

Having your heartbroken was tough, but breaking another’s heart was unbearable. Maybe you had just gotten out of a bad relationship and did not have enough emotional capacity, or you could not find the time to make something work because your major is impossible and you work harder than the little engine that could up a hill. Or maybe you were too immature for commitment and ended up staying in bed with another person who is no-where near the equivalent of a person as the one you were currently seeing. Whatever the reason is, you ended up hurting the other person because the right person came at the wrong time. You may be beating yourself up still, but I will tell you why you should not.

You are not the soul-sucking creature that he thinks you are. Nor are you a malicious heart breaker. Get the image of you leaving him high and dry to rot, stranded on the side of the proverbial rocky, dirt road of love out of your head. Although you may think he will never get over it, not everybody is as pitiful as a Shawn Mendes song. You have the right to mess up your love life one time or a million times before you get it right. This is the one time in your life where you can use your age as an applicable excuse. Your 20’s are a time to make mistakes, be selfish and disregard the magnitudes of your actions. This is on one condition: to learn from it and realize your faults. If you hurt somebody, which will most likely hurt you, take something away from it. The first time you do something is a mistake; the second time is a choice. We all want to be somewhat like Gandhi by the time we are old and grey. How can you be old and wise if you aren’t young and stupid first?

Imagine this, you meet this great guy that is incredibly into you. He thinks about you when he wakes up and lets you know about all the great dates he wants to take you on this weekend when it’s only Monday. He watches your favorite Netflix show and brings you ice cream when you’re upset. Perfect? Right. So my question is, why could you not appreciate it the first time? The answer is filled with complication that’s mixed with past experiences and future anxieties, along with you just messed up. He definitely didn’t deserve the heartbreak, but you don’t deserve the guilt either. You will learn from your mistakes, he will learn to forgive...hopefully. Life will go on. Every heart that you break, you will learn from. Just like every time you’ve had your heart broken, you’ve learned from it. Take pride in your mistakes knowing that you will become a better person because of them. Understanding both sides of the heartache coin is difficult, but apart of life in your 20’s none-the-less.

Now, here is a harsh reality. If you broke someone’s heart and they choose to let you redeem yourself, they may just be the one and I can’t wait to read about your love story in the next Nicholas Spark’s novel. Conversely, if you broke someone’s heart and they choose to move on from you, you do not get to wonder how their day is. You do not get to ask if they are ‘okay’ moreover. When you break someone’s heart, you also break your own. You lose the right to communicate, but you do not lose the right to care. So care all you want, but respect the space that will be needed. While you may not have meant to make somebody feel this way, you did. And the worst part is that you know just how it feels. So remember how it felt right after, and then remember how you felt a month later. Time heals all, and will most definitely grant you wisdom. Just because you have broken your own heart as well, does not mean you will not also heal. Remember that you still have not even come close to your mid-life crisis; this is just an emotional bump in the road.

You have a lot going on right now like immersing yourself into your future career, finding out who you are in general and doing whatever else you want to do on Saturday night. You need to figure out what you want at this time in your life, so do not stress if you can not commit to a significant other, a date next Friday or even a favorite brand of cereal. You are not a ‘maleficent’ of love; you are human, and you are young so embrace it.