So this is what it feels like… True, genuine happiness.
Thursday, April 26th, 2018... The day I finally chose to live a life of happiness instead of holding onto a relationship that was long over, the day I finally was able to say a great amount of what had been weighing on my chest.
This was the day that I wrote the text that said "I'm done trying anything I can, just to have a civil conversation with you. It's heart-wrenching to hear the things you've said about me when all I've done is tell the truth about you. You know damn well that I didn't get help from people to get back on my feet.
I DID IT. Sure do I still have a long way to go? Absolutely, but I'm doing it.
You don't even know me anymore, you have no idea the changes that have taken place in my life... I picked up a second job, finished my master's degree, I go to therapy, not that you need to know all this but I can't take it anymore from you. You destroyed me & I'm the one that picked up the pieces and fixed myself.
I never wanted to have this conversation but you know what, you need to hear all these things and stop and think. We've both moved on, that's clear and it's so good for us both... You don't have to believe me but I'm happy for you, I'm happy you're finally happy. Please just stop trying to steal mine, because I fought hard to gain happiness again."
The next couple weeks were followed by HUGE steps for me… Beginning with blocking his phone number so I would no longer get nasty texts that were averaging about once a week. After finally making these strides and finally choosing to let go, I was finding happiness again... A happiness I never thought I would feel without him. When we go through the process of changing someone's name in our contacts from "BABE" to "315-719….," we're taking a step towards letting go.
It's hard for the body to adjust to a sudden change when one second you were promised forever and your heart felt so secure to the next second feeling empty, alone, afraid of what the future would hold. Letting go takes time but life does go on. Days will pass, they may be a little unsteady and mixed with anxiety, little sleep, and no appetite, but your heart will still beat, and all these feelings will slowly fade away. You begin to have moments where you forget to remember the memories, forget him, forget the pain.
And those moments are ones that you will want to last forever and one day, that brief moment of happiness will be how you feel all the time.
It was one of the best feelings when finally the pain had subsided and happiness began to take over every aspect of my life. This was the beginning of putting to rest what I so heavily relied on for comfort and self-assurance for many years. And I started to discover a comfort within myself.
It is completely normal to feel like you will never be happy again once you go through a terrible heartbreak. You may go weeks or even months of feeling empty, feeling worthless, feeling like this pain is never going to go away. But one day, everything will suddenly just click. It won't be easy, in fact, it's one of the hardest things to do, but once you start taking steps for yourself, you'll find so much peace in knowing you did it. You'll amaze yourself with how strong you can be and once your happiness is restored, you will feel unstoppable.
