Our hearts were filled with so much devotion. Suddenly, our hearts became hollow. I was the coronary arteries, demanding you to meet by our network. Our connection. So much pain and sorrow. We were surrounded by a double layered pericardium; tough fibrous connective tissue. Through it all, especially the aftermath, I sometimes desired to have that layer of the tissue to weaken; in order for you to feel the ache that I possessed within my heart. You were the tricuspid valve. You prevented back flow of blood from circulating. Keeping me hostage from having an ounce of warmth in my system. This is how I felt. This is how I feel till this day. I am in need of love. Because of you.
It can be highly difficult to love someone when the layers within yourself are broken. It is so hard. The darkness of mental illness unfortunately conquered our bond. It still makes me enraged that mental illnesses can possess so much autonomy. How can darkness conquer love? Something so radiant?
Tears still stream from my cheeks time to time. Sometimes I still say, "I can't let you go, the emptiness, distance, and heaviness brings us awfully close." My heart still pumps rapidly when I hear her name. Her allurement still prevents me from sinking in the puddles of venom. Despite our bond from departing our romantic setting, she displayed strength. A power that I cannot describe.
She possessed the greatest strength, to break our romantic chain. She had to rebuild. She had to recover. Yes, of course the thoughts of her dance around my mind. Yes, this still hurts like hell. It felt like she cut my throat with her touch, without her being here physically within my presence. In order to ameliorate your own well being mentally, you have to be selfish. You have to put your needs first in order to find and love yourself again, and prevent yourself from falling down towards the surface.
Continuously, she kept building bricks and bricks to build a wall. To protect herself from the cruelty and pain within this world and even within her own mind. To disguise her vulnerability;defining it as a weakness. However, through all of the treatment she went through, she broke the wall with her pure resilience. Now, she is not accustomed to being congested in a space filled with self doubt, negativity, and darkness. She now has a space for herself in order to cultivate and to be genuinely euphoric with herself. She realized that she could not allow others including myself to protect her happiness from crumbling. She realized that she is the only person that can make herself happy. Within our bond, I think both of us forgot who we were, because we were so used to defining each other through our love.
Despite of the heartache and fears that suddenly weathered my life, She gave me the greatest gift in the world. She gave me the strength and motivation to continue on and accomplish anything.She continued to support me in my endeavors including becoming a poetic inspiration to the world. She gave me the gift to face my fears and pain. My heart still feels like its been latched out of my chest from the shadows, but facing that pain, made me realize that I will be better off than before.
I will always have a deep tenderness within my heart for her. I have nothing but love for her. My favorite work of art will always be her. I remember her arms being so smooth, she may believed that they were rough due to her battle scars displayed, but they are absolutely alluring. It shows her story. It shows her strength. I will always adore the atoms that comprised her being. I am incredibly proud of her and all of the success that she has been making. I couldn't be happier for her.
I wish her the best and the only the best. I will continue to be here for her when all of the clouds turn black. I will continue to spray all of the fumes of my heart on the wind currents, so her aura can latch to my pure compassion and care, even from a distance. To help her and guide her. Even though she may not be around as much, I still hear her saying, "You are going to change the world with your words. You're so talented. Be brave." I will be remain brave for myself and her.
I'm jealous of the sun & moon. They get to observe every inch of your beauty. To reflect their brightness onto your soul. But I'll continue to root for you.
