To the boy who broke my heart,

"The truth is, I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart... and I never really got it back" -Melanie --Sweet Home Alabama

I hope you’re happy. I hope she makes you feel loved, special, and joyful. I hope you weren’t playing games. I hope you weren’t lying because you were and are my best friend. I thought we would work out. What happened? Did I do something? Or were you just playing games with me and lying to me about how I made you feel? Is she better than me? Why didn’t you man up and tell me that you were interested in someone else and started dating someone new? I thought six years of friendship would mean I would get told directly, not through social media. I guess I was wrong. I was wrong about me. I was wrong about you. I was wrong about us. I just thought that I would let you know that you had my heart. The night we hung out and you kissed me, yeah, I gave my heart to you that night. I was scared to, but then I thought you were different and you would let me down easy if it didn’t work. Now my heart is broken and I didn’t exactly get it all back. For some reason, now I’m trying to salvage our friendship. It’s going to suck hanging out with you because I don’t want to be just friends. I guess you never loved me like I loved you. I’m sitting here trying to fix myself, but I don’t know if I can. I am honestly tired of acting like I have myself together. I’m tired of constantly trying to get you to talk to me. I want our friendship back I really do, but if you’re not willing to try, what is the point because all it is going to do is continue to tear me apart. When you quit talking to me, I figured you didn’t want to be together. All I wanted a month in to you ignoring me was our friendship. I was going to take care of my feelings, but my best friend wasn’t talking to me. What was I supposed to do? I thought you would tell me directly, but you didn’t and that is honestly what killed me the most. Not the fact that you had a girlfriend, but the fact I found out on social media. I’m breaking myself apart because I think I’m not good enough. I hope that somehow, I can repair my heart and we can go back to before I fell hard for you. Every time I try to make plans to hang out, you are busy or you ignore me. Now you want your girlfriend to come along, but I don’t know if you realize how much that is going to break me. I sort of understand why; however, we all know that I had more feelings invested into it than you and I can control myself enough to not get too close or hurt one another. Since we haven’t hung out since that one night, there is no closure. Yes, I want to meet her, but I want to catch up on life without her staring at me. I can’t do it. I am so tired of trying to keep our friendship. I don’t know why I keep trying to push it when all it is doing is hurting me more. I hope your happy. Don't worry about me, I'll fix myself.

Sincerely,

The girl who is broken