Hello dear readers, as a Pagan and a witch who is well out of the broom closet with multiple family members I have had some weird things happen to me. I had an old lady passing out bibles make a cross with her fingers like a I was a possessed demon who needed to stay away. My sister once hand a guy throw a bible at her car after reading a bumper sticker that read "protected by witchcraft." My mother has even had someone follow her to a different town just to inform her she was going to hell after reading her bumper stickers. My confrontations about my religion are far from few and far between so today I bring you a list of things that if I hear one more time I might just hop on the broom everyone seems to think I am riding and fly away.

1.) "You are going to hell!"

That's so nice of you, I deeply hope when you pray to your god this evening you ask forgiveness for telling me so or if my understanding of your religion is correct you'll be joining me. In all seriousness following that sarcasm, my father is a Christian and is perfectly understanding of the fact that I follow a Pagan path. I also have multiple Christian friends who think my religion and witchy practices are fascinating. Yet some how at least once a week I find people like to really remind me that I am going to an after life I don't believe in. Generally I ignore whomever is saying this because I am far to lazy to try to teach someone who doesn't want to learn.

2.) "You know that symbol is evil, right?"

This generally referring to my pentagram. For those of you that don't know a pentagram or pentacle is a five pointed star pointed in any direction with a circle around it. This is a symbol of protection in most pagan religions and is definitively a symbol of protection in witchcraft. For some reason everyone in their brother thinks it is of the greatest evil, I had a girl in a math class in high school say she couldn't sit next to me because my necklace was summoning demons. While I have no understanding of why this girl thought an inanimate object around my neck could call forth the great evils of the world, I actually will have complete strangers walk up to me to inform me what they think my necklace represents.

3.) "You worship the devil/Satan/Lucifer/etc!" Or "You wouldn't know you were worshiping the devil/Satan/Lucifer/etc he's much trickier than that!"

What does the second one even mean though? Like I have had a dozen people say this to me and I am generally to dumbfounded to respond because what the frickle frack humans? In all seriousness though this I get like once a week from complete strangers and even children. Like this is something that some three year old's parents sat them down to tell them, I had a three year old walk up to me and point at my necklace and tell me I worshiped the devil. Literally every time someone who isn't like 80 years old says this to me it blows my mind because that means somewhere in my general area someone is teaching people that everyone one under the pagan umbrella is a devil worshiper.

4.) "Is that a star of David?" Or "I didn't know you were Jewish."

Can you count? Like seriously people come on they star of David and pentagrams don't even look the same. I have a friend whose mother is convinced the pentagram I have painted on my front door is a star of David and my who family is really flamboyantly Jewish. I don't understand how these people get confused.

5.) "You know Harry Potter isn't real right?"

Almost anytime I say I am a witch to a new group of people someone thinks they are really clever and unique by saying this ridiculous thing. Every time someone does I want to pull one of the Harry Potter books out of thin air like a magician and wack them in the back of the head. I do understand Harry Potter is a fictitious work I also understand witchcraft has been practiced for centuries and the human being saying this was dropped on their head at birth or has never picked up a history book.

6.) "Witches aren't real!"

Well they are, have been for many moons and will be for many more. Just because we aren't blowing stuff up with the power of our minds doesn't mean we aren't here. We are, I'm right here.

7.) "Well I liked [insert any pagan or witch pop culture reference here] but [insert something vague and offensive here]"

This right frickin' here makes me wish I was a hollywood witch so I could mumble something in bastardized Latin and turn the speaker into a toad. I understand you thought "The Craft" was super boss because it was super boss but that doesn't give you permission to use it to undermine my religion or craft. Okay? Good.

8.) "Well because your a Pagan you don't understand [insert mainstream religion here]" Or "You must have never read the bible/[literally any non-pagan religious text]"

I can read I also grew up in a culture overflowing with Christian references so yes I do in fact have an understanding of Christianity, I have in fact read the bible along with many other religious texts. I made it a point before deciding on my path to have an understanding of a lot of religions because I spent a long time trying to find the religion that was right for me.

9.) "Can you do a spell for me?", "Do a spell for me right now!" Or "Can you give me a spell?"

No, no and no. Spells aren't just whispering some bastardized Latin and making things happen. Magic has rules and odds are what ever it is you want doesn't follow them. I am not 1800-castaspell. Also odds are if you are asking me for a spell you aren't a practicing witch and have no idea what you are doing you'll somehow accidentally summon an elemental and I'll have to clean up your mess, I don't want to clean up your mess I'm not doing it. In all seriousness though spell work is very serious business, it is rare for even me to practice spell work because it is very complex and involves a lot of time and effort I don't have. I practice mostly folk magic which is a lot simpler generally and not as ritual based. Legitimate spell work can involve weeks of prep and planet alignment and moon phases and herbs I may not even have access to and gods or powers I don't practice with. So no to all of that.

10.) "Prove to me magic exists by doing a spell that works."

Again I reference the above and add that spell work is a lot like praying for something, sometimes you don't get what you asked for. In fact sometimes everything goes batshit and you find yourself in a whole mess of trouble. I also don't need to prove anything to you. I am the one that has to believe in my power and in my gods not you.

11.) "So can you make me a voodoo doll?"

Well as I don't practice voodoo and it is a completely separate culture from what I am no. Also I wouldn't ask someone who does that question either as they are likely to glare into your soul and make you very afraid of them. Also to use a voodoo doll you would have to practice voodoo so maybe you should just look into that for yourself. I can recommend a few books if you'd like.

12.) "So do you do hexes?" or "Can you hex so and so for me?"

Could you maybe not just find a different word for spell and ask me the same question I already said no to?

13.) "So do you sacrifice people/animals/etc?" Or "Are you sacrificing people/animals/etc for [insert a holiday here that is likely christian or secular in nature]"

No I don't though I am considering making an exception for the next person dumb enough to ask me this question.

14.) "But you don't have a black cat you can't be a witch!"

So if I had to guess what this is referring to it would be familiars. Familiars for those that don't know are an animal companion of a witch that they believe they are connected to and gives them power in their practices. Which I do actually have, he is a little pit-bull mix named Snowman, sweetest puppy you will ever meet. Snowman is not my first familiar nor will he likely be my last. Though not one of my familiars has been a black cat, I did consider a ferret my familiar once, his name was Pumba.

15.) "You're an evil person because you are a witch."

I am not an evil person like most people I am actually somewhere between good and bad but I am a person who does good things. I give money and food to homeless people. I volunteer my time in my community. I help lost dogs and cats find their way home. I help my friends and family. I teach people about my religion and practice so they don't approach others with hate. I grieve when I lose someone I love. I pray to my gods about all of the real evil in the world in hopes that they can help lessen it. I do my best to be a good person just like everyone else.

That is all I have for you guys this time around but check with me in a few months and I am sure I will have heard something else crazy.