Having Mixed Feelings When Someone Dies

Having Mixed Feelings When Someone Dies

and why it's okay
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It’s okay to be relieved when someone dies.

You don’t have to feel bad about that, either.

It doesn’t mean you didn’t care about that person, or that you won’t miss them. Having mixed feelings doesn’t testify to their death, it testifies to the relationship you had with them when they were still alive.

It’s alright if you’re the only person that’s relieved. You most likely had a different relationship with the person that passed; a more difficult one. Maybe you had fights, or maybe you just had your feelings hurt more often than not. Whatever the reason is, you can take a full breath. It’s most likely someone close to you, someone that you knew well. It’s someone that you let in, maybe a little too far. The pain of losing someone is real, and although the sting isn’t meant to last, it turns into something different.

From what I’ve learned, sometimes, relief has its own pain. You may be relieved, but are you still angry? Are you still harboring negative feelings towards that person? It’s hard to justify being mad at a dead person. I’m still trying to find a reason for it to this day. The saying ‘beating a dead horse’ couldn’t apply more. There’s nothing you can change, there’s nothing more that can be said, so why continue to harbor it? It is very much so easier said than done, but that’s one of the only ways to heal. Just like that person dies, you must let your anger die with them. It may take months, even years. There’s no right way to let your true feelings about a person come out, furthermore, no one can tell you how to feel. Your expression may come out in many different ways.

You may not find solace in talking to other people. I’ve gotten yelled at for how I feel. I’ve had people tell me ‘I’m morbid for feeling relief’ or ‘how dare you talk about that person like that’. I’ve been called a lot of things. I’ve found release with the people that know me best, that knew the relationship I had with this person the best. These people knew both of us, and knew how difficult we both were. I can say a lot of things, both good and bad. There were a lot of things left unspoken that I wish I could have said.

At the very least, and maybe the boldest statement I can make,

I’m happy it’s over.

I’m not happy the person died the way they did, but I’m happy my frustration with them did. I’m happy the constant arguing did. The fear of disappointing them, the need to please them, every upset feeling I had. I no longer had to dread phone calls or be scared when they wanted to spend time with me. I no longer had a reason to be afraid.

I’m relieved that they died, and I’m perfectly okay with that.

Cover Image Credit: quotefancy.com

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50 One-Liners College Girls Swap With Their Roomies As Much As They Swap Clothes

"What would I do without you guys???"
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1. "Can I wear your shirt out tonight?"

2. "Does my hair look greasy?"

3. "We should probably clean tomorrow..."

4. "What should I caption this??"

5. "Is it bad if I text ____ first??"

6. "Should we order pizza?"

7. *Roommate tells an entire story* "Wait, what?"

8. "How is it already 3 AM?"

9. "I need a drink."

10. "McDonalds? McDonalds."

11. "GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED."

12. "Okay like, for real, I need to study."

13. "Why is there so much hair on our floor?"

14. "I think I'm broke."

15. "What do I respond to this?"

16. "Let's have a movie night."

17. "Why are we so weird?"

18. "Do you think people will notice if I wear this 2 days in a row?"

19. "That guy is so stupid."

20. "Do I look fat in this?"

21. "Can I borrow your phone charger?

22. "Wanna go to the lib tonight?"

23. "OK, we really need to go to the gym soon."

24. "I kinda want some taco bell."

25. "Let's go out tonight."

26. "I wonder what other people on this floor think of us."

27. "Let's go to the mall."

28. "Can I use your straightener?"

29. "I need coffee."

30. "I'm bored, come back to the room."

31. "Should we go home this weekend?"

32. "We should probably do laundry soon."

33. "Can you see through these pants?"

34. "Sometimes I feel like our room is a frat house..."

35. "Guys I swear I don't like him anymore."

36."Can I borrow a pencil?"

37. "I need to get my life together...."

38. "So who's buying the Uber tonight?"

39. "Let's walk to class together."

40. "Are we really pulling an all-nighter tonight?"

41. "Who's taking out the trash?"

42. "What happened last night?"

43. "Can you help me do my hair?"

44. "What should I wear tonight?"

45. "You're not allowed to talk to him tonight."

46. "OMG, my phone is at 1 percent."

47. "Should we skip class?"

48. "What should we be for Halloween?"

49. "I love our room."

50. "What would I do without you guys???"

Cover Image Credit: Hannah Gabaldon

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4 Things My Brother Taught me Before he turned 4

4 of many lessons my beloved sibling has brought to my attention in the last four years

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On July 19, my sweet baby brother is turning four years old. And while to many that doesn't sound like a milestone or a big deal, it is. My sibling and I had a love-hate relationship from the start, as anyone would expect from an only child for 15 glorious years. That love-hate relationship quickly turned into all love, laughter and life lessons.

1. Have Fun

Quite obviously shown above in the photo, my baby brother and I have fun with each other all the time. He may just be my best friend, with his comforting words when he knows I'm sad- or just stubbed my toe- or his tickles that make me giggle like no other. I can always count on my best friend to make me laugh and have fun with me.

2. Manners Manners Manners

Having a younger sibling that follows you around and acts like a mocking bird, helps you to quickly reevaluate your actions and sayings. Having my brother, Brody, around helped me to freshen up on my mannerisms. I would frankly be embarrassed if we were to go out and he didn't say thank you or please when necessary. My father, however, took manners to the next level, the boyfriend material level... all before the age of four. When I venture out of our home with Brody or our dad and Brody, Brody always holds the door for me and anyone else coming up. There is something to be said for a child with manners.

3. Patience

Young children are always a test to your patience, no matter who they may be. Little brothers especially have a way to make sure they get on their sisters nerves. And although he may( definitely does) get on my nerves, he has taught me to take a moment and think about my own feelings and how easily or quickly I am getting annoyed and reevaluating my emotions to better myself and Brody. I have learned patience beyond my wildest dreams and hope to put them to use one day with my own curtain climbers.

4. Most Importantly... Love

Have you ever seen a child go crazy just at the fact they get to sleep in your bed. Or, when their eyes light up at the word "ice-cream" You better understand and appreciate love when you have someone there to experience everything for the first time and fall in love with every new experience all over again. Children have a great capacity to love and care for one another and my baby brother has taught me that sometimes we get what we don't think we needed and gain a lot from the experience.

To the brother I know and love, I hope your lessons to me can be a reminder or lesson to someone else. Happy fourth "Bird day!" Your sister loves you like no one else!

Cover Image Credit:

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