Having Mixed Feelings When Someone Dies

Having Mixed Feelings When Someone Dies

and why it's okay

It’s okay to be relieved when someone dies.

You don’t have to feel bad about that, either.

It doesn’t mean you didn’t care about that person, or that you won’t miss them. Having mixed feelings doesn’t testify to their death, it testifies to the relationship you had with them when they were still alive.

It’s alright if you’re the only person that’s relieved. You most likely had a different relationship with the person that passed; a more difficult one. Maybe you had fights, or maybe you just had your feelings hurt more often than not. Whatever the reason is, you can take a full breath. It’s most likely someone close to you, someone that you knew well. It’s someone that you let in, maybe a little too far. The pain of losing someone is real, and although the sting isn’t meant to last, it turns into something different.

From what I’ve learned, sometimes, relief has its own pain. You may be relieved, but are you still angry? Are you still harboring negative feelings towards that person? It’s hard to justify being mad at a dead person. I’m still trying to find a reason for it to this day. The saying ‘beating a dead horse’ couldn’t apply more. There’s nothing you can change, there’s nothing more that can be said, so why continue to harbor it? It is very much so easier said than done, but that’s one of the only ways to heal. Just like that person dies, you must let your anger die with them. It may take months, even years. There’s no right way to let your true feelings about a person come out, furthermore, no one can tell you how to feel. Your expression may come out in many different ways.

You may not find solace in talking to other people. I’ve gotten yelled at for how I feel. I’ve had people tell me ‘I’m morbid for feeling relief’ or ‘how dare you talk about that person like that’. I’ve been called a lot of things. I’ve found release with the people that know me best, that knew the relationship I had with this person the best. These people knew both of us, and knew how difficult we both were. I can say a lot of things, both good and bad. There were a lot of things left unspoken that I wish I could have said.

At the very least, and maybe the boldest statement I can make,

I’m happy it’s over.

I’m not happy the person died the way they did, but I’m happy my frustration with them did. I’m happy the constant arguing did. The fear of disappointing them, the need to please them, every upset feeling I had. I no longer had to dread phone calls or be scared when they wanted to spend time with me. I no longer had a reason to be afraid.

I’m relieved that they died, and I’m perfectly okay with that.

Cover Image Credit: quotefancy.com

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Your Voice Is Extremely Unique, Use It For Good

"Think before you speak" has never been more true.

If there is anything college has taught me, there is one thing that sticks out above the rest and that is this: we all come from different worldviews and backgrounds. Not only that but what we see in front of us is just the smallest bit of a mixture of worldviews. There are other countries out there, a whole world filled with different cultures, values, people, and core beliefs.

Friends, if there is anything that I have learned it is that no one has the same voice. No one has actually walked a day in the shoes of somebody else. No one has lived the same exact life as well, you.

And while that may cause a whole lot of conflict between all of us in this crazy world, there is also something so valuable about it.

Your voice is only YOUR voice. There is nobody else in the world who has it. While this may seem daunting, it is actually so freeing. Your life has been lived the way it has to get you to exactly this very moment, reading this little article.

And for some odd reason, you are where you are, you were born where you were born, and you live the life that you live.

Each day, you converse with so many different people. These people may have a similar worldview to you, or maybe they don't. Whether you are in a culture you have been in forever or are completely submerged into a culture you have never lived in before, you are conversing with other humans (even if this isn't your cup of tea).

Throughout the day, you may be writing, going on social media, heading to the grocery store, talking with people in class or at work, and when you do each of these things, you are likely to come in contact with SO many different people. And odds are you, like me, go through your day sometimes without really thinking about the way you talk or converse with those around you.

However, something I caught onto recently is that your voice is SO unique and YOU can use it for good.

You can choose to walk throughout your day in the mundane. You can choose to just say please and thank you and not really have conversations. Or... You can choose to really get to know someone. You can choose to dive into weird, deep, vulnerable conversations about life and things that really matter.

The point is, you are seriously the only person with your voice. You can use that thing for good. You can choose to spread a little joy on social media rather than hate. You can choose to say kind things, to compliment others, and to use general manners as you go through your day. These are things we don't think about, but WOW how much brighter would the world be if we all just thought about what we said before we said it.

I know I need to work on this, who's with me?

Cover Image Credit: Clem Onojeghuo

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College: Good Times, Great Friends

College Friends are Your Best Friends

Everyone says that college is the best time of your life, a big part of that is the friends you meet along the way. You will always have the select friends you still talk to after high school graduation, but your friends in college are the ones you have an unbreakable bond with. They are the people only knowing you a month or two know exactly what to do when you are upset, stressed, or want to go on a late night drive. College friends are the people you can always call, whether you're 3 floors or 14 hours away and here is why:

1. They Push You To Do Your Best

They will always push you to do your best. Study sessions, editing papers, and listening to your speeches and presentations thousands of times, they want you to get good grades. They want you to get good grades so that you can be back with them the next semester. They push you to do your work because they know you will not go out unless it is done.

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2. They Are Honest

College friends will always be honest because they truly want the best for you. They're honest whether it is about an outfit, a boy, or if you should get another drink or not. They always have your best interest in mind.

3. They Have Seen You at Your Worst

They have seen you running on 2 hours of sleep with bags under your eyes. They've seen you have emotional breakdowns because you are so stressed out and just at a lost. They've seen you ugly cry just because you have had a bad day or because you didn't get the grade you wanted.

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4. They Share

They share the hardest, yet the funniest time of their life with you. They share their food because we all are broke at some point. They share their clothes because regardless of how many tops you have sometimes you just have "absolutely nothing to wear" and insist on not going out unless you can borrow something.

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5. They Are Understanding

They understand that some days are just bad days and won't hold the bad mood against you. They understand that sometimes you just want to stay inside and watch Netflix for hours.

6. They Are Spontaneous

College friends are spontaneous in so many ways. One being, they will walk into your dorm room at any time to vent or just to see what you are doing. Another way they are spontaneous is that they will call you to get food regardless if it is 2 a.m. and you have a 9:30 lecture. Sometimes they are spontaneous in the fact that it is two degrees outside with 6 inches of snow and they want to have a snowball fight and go sledding.

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College is the best time of our lives, where we make some of the best memories and even better friends. I was once told "College is where you friend your bridesmaids, not your groom," and it left a special place in my heart.

Cover Image Credit: Youtube

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