When I was younger, I thought that when you grew up life automatically happened. I saw my parents and my grandparents and my uncles and aunts married with kids, and I assumed that “that’s just the way it is.” I figured that is what happens naturally when you grow up. And I believed that by a certain point, my life would be no different and the family that I had always envisioned for myself would magically appear. I had no idea of what it actually took to get to that point.
First of all, I’m a 30-something single woman, who just recently decided on a career path. And now that I feel like I’m actively pursuing my aspirations, I’m wondering, when do the husband and the baby and the home/family life come in? Quite honestly, it seems like a really beautiful notion to happen in the next couple of years, however, ”the struggle” to find the balance between the two, for me, “is real.”
Not only that, but I’m also learning that focusing on my career is going to entail of a lot of sacrifices. Even now, I’m seeing the effects of this with having to cut back on the family time that I normally spend with my mom, sisters and “our kids." This is one that is extremely hard for me on days when my family invites me to hang out, but I have to decline because I’m working on my blog or I have a deadline for an article. I’m grateful that my family understands my goal and shares in my dream enough to harbor no hard feelings for my many snubs of “movie night.” My family means the world to me. At the same time, my goal is to put myself in a position to take care of them in the future and give us all a better life.
One of the biggest reasons I appreciate being single is because I can be completely selfish with my time and rightfully so. In love and relationships, my greatest flaw in the past has been that I lose myself in love. There have been so many times when I have invested more into my partner's dreams than into my own, secretly hoping that when his dreams come true that I’ll still be alongside to enjoy the ride. But to quote Kanye, n-word “get on and leave yo *ss for a white girl.”
There are some good examples, I believe, of women who are successful in the effort of “having it all.” However, none of them are women that I can personally relate to. Beyonce, Kim Kardashian and Halle Berry, I suppose may have had some of the same reservations as I do, but our struggles for this goal are drastically different.
Ultimately, what I want is a love that supports my dream while encouraging my hustle. I want someone who will not only believe in my ambition but help motivate me to stay on task.
#TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw
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