I often find people staring at the semicolon I recently got tattooed on my wrist. People ask if I got it because I’m an English major or if it’s my favorite punctuation.

That’s not the case. I have a semicolon as a symbol for my battle with depression and anxiety. I also got it for awareness and for all of the people who are hiding their mental battles from their family and friends.

The semicolon is a reminder to myself to be strong. I want to encourage others to seek help if they feel anxious or have suicidal thoughts. Anxiety, depression, self-injury, addiction, and other mental illnesses are extremely serious issues, but many feel as if they have no one to turn to. Seeking help is incredibly scary, but it does not mean you are weak. It makes you stronger –stronger than the disease –and shows you are willing to fight to overcome it.

I once spent an entire summer laying in my bed or laying on the couch. I hardly ate. When I did eat, it would be late at night while my family was asleep. I was absolutely miserable. I was either crying, sleeping, or watching TV. I just couldn’t force myself to change. I thought terrible things about myself. I didn’t think I was important or good enough for anyone. Horrible thoughts flooded my entire brain. Any time I would think something positive, my mind would always spin it into something bad.

I cannot put it into words how terrible and crippling depression really is. I hate this disease more than anything. Not only does this disease affect the people it inhibits, it affects their families and friends dramatically. It caused me to miss out on spending time with my family. Whenever they would go out, they would ask me to come along and I would always find an excuse to stay home. I never wanted to leave the house. My mom would break down into tears and beg me to come out with her. I’m so thankful for her, my dad, and my brother. Although I hated hurting them and seeing them hurt, it willed me to make a change within myself. I would talk myself into going. I sometimes lashed out on them because I was extremely moody, and they would always put up with me. Without them, I don’t know where I would be. On some of my worst days, they were the only ones keeping me afloat. I did have some thoughts of suicide, but amazingly, I was able to push them away because I couldn’t bring myself to hurt my family any more than I already had. Depression may have consumed me, but it was not able to destroy the love I had for my family.

It was not easy deciding to make a change and finally break my routine of moving from the bed to the couch to the fridge. It took many months of slowly easing myself into a different, more positive and healthy lifestyle. Thankfully, I had my family and some amazing friends who I’ll always be incredibly grateful for. My disease pushed me to force many people out of my life and treat them unkindly, and I’m extremely sorry to those who I’ve hurt. I know I’ll unfortunately never rid myself of depression and anxiety. I know it’ll always stay with me for the rest of my life. I still have some pretty rough days, but I make sure to have just as many amazing days as well. I still get scared to tell someone how I’m truly feeling. I still feel as if I’m bothering people and burdening them with my problems, no matter how many times they try to convince me otherwise.

I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this. There are millions of people who are just like me. That’s why I have my semicolon tattoo –to show others that I’m there for them and that they are not alone. You will never be alone in this fight. Seek help. Keep “bothering” your friends. Trust me, they’d rather get a message from you complaining about how anxious you are than receiving a message saying that you’ve decided to end your life. “A semicolon is used when an author could’ve chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life.” –Unknown.

Also, please check out Project Semicolon for more information on this amazing movement. For those of you struggling, please know that your story is not over. There is hope for you, whether you know it or not.