Disclaimer: I don't hate clothes. I love clothes. I hate people.
And when I'm shopping, the amount of people that are slow, sweaty and making out at the nearest fountain are overwhelming. I just want to get what I came for, grab a drink and leave, but NOPE. Shopping is an all day commitment. One in which I need to take a long ass nap afterwards because I'm exhausted from sighing under my breath all day.
1. "Wanna go shopping?" is not a groupchat text that makes you squeal
I love you guys so I'll go anyways.
2. You need to mentally prepare before going
You can't enter war without a strategy
3. Slow. People. EVERYWHERE.
MOVE OVER TO THE RIGHT IF YOU'RE GOING TO WALK SLOW.
4. When the employees ask if you need help with anything
I'm gonna say "No, thank you though!" and smile because I'm a wuss.
5. Being bombarded by people at kiosks
Spray something in my face and I will make a scene.
6. Looking like a whole different person in the dressing room
Do I look like this all the time?? Why didn't anyone tell me?
7. Trying on jeans. End of story.
My thighs are just too **thiq~*
8. When the cashier tells you your total
UH WHAT.
9. And staring at your earnings in disappointment
This wasn't worth half of my paycheck.
10. Screaming children
Another reminder on why I'll never reproduce.
11. Having it all be worth it once you reach that food court
Soft pretzels with cheese and pizza and mozzarella sticks and a sub with cookies, please.
12. Online shopping for the next two months
It's the only way I know how to get it done quick and painlessly.






























