November is Adoption Awareness Month, so I want to share my opinions about having been adopted.
Before I get started, I want to make it clear: this article is not to bash my family. I love my family and I am forever grateful to them. Also, I am not speaking for all adopted persons because everyone's experiences and feelings towards adoption is different. I am only speaking for myself.
Anyway, here's my story.
I was adopted into a great family at the age of about 6. Before then, I was in the foster care system.
For me, being adopted brings about this pressure of having to do well. What I mean by that is I feel like I have to do well, I have to be a good person because I was afforded an opportunity that some people never receive, so I cannot mess that up. There are hundreds of thousands of kids waiting for the opportunity to be adopted by a loving family, but some of those kids do not get that opportunity. Some kids age out of the foster care system and do not get the help or resources that they deserve so they can be productive members of society. Most foster kids who age out the system at 18 become homeless and have nothing.
To say the least, I am blessed.
My family has always valued education, so I value education. However, being black, a good education is not always accessible for a variety of reasons. Because my family chose to adopt me, I feel like I have to do well in school, I have to get good grades, I cannot quit or fail because not everyone is given the same opportunities, so I have to value it. In terms of my family, I believe that getting a degree and being successful is my way of "repaying" them for adopting me because they did not have to do it, they did not have to adopt me. I keep reminding myself of that because if I do not become successful if I do not do anything with my life and the opportunities handed to me, I feel like I wasted their "time."
It is a pressure that I subject myself to.
Not only do I feel extra pressured to be successful because I am an adopted black woman and I do not want to feel like I have wasted my parents' time and resources, I dislike being adopted because when I tell people I am adopted they act like they have to feel sympathy for me or pity me. When I tell people I am adopted, something I do not like to do, some people are like, "oh my god, you're adopted, aww." I have also gotten, "You're adopted? Wow...that's so..."
If you are a person who reacts in that manner, where you feel bad for an adopted person, please do not. It is not necessary.
When I do open up about being adopted, some people then think it is alright to single me out. I mean when I say, "I'm adopted," some people would say, "oh, so you're not really their sister," or "you're not really their blood?" or "so they're not your real family?"
Someone even said to me, "I don't think I could ever love a child that's not my own, so you're lucky." Ouch.
Those are probably some of the most triggering and offensive things a person can say to me or any adopted person, for that matter. Please do not make those kinds of comments to an adopted person, ever.
I also dislike the fact that some people feel like it's alright to ask me questions about my background or "story." People would ask me questions like, "why were you given up for adoption?" or "what was foster care like?" and other personal questions related to my adoption experience. Some people do not mind the questions. However, I am only speaking for myself, and those questions really bug me.
Even though I have certain feelings towards adoption, I do believe that it is a beautiful thing, and I hope to adopt some children someday and really make an impact because I know what it feels like to be adopted, I can help them not feel the way I do.
Being adopted can be hard for many reasons. However, I am grateful for the opportunities that I have to be a successful person and to disprove stereotypes about adopted and foster kids.
I edited a documentary about adoption and people's thoughts about what is adoption. Feel free to check it out!
A Better Cinderella Story www.youtube.com
