I have a resting bitch face. I have extremely dry humor. I can be brutally honest. I'm not great in personal conversations. Half of my smiles are fake….the list goes on.
These are just a handful of the things that I've noticed about myself, and what I've imagined people have assessed about me.
People have told me that they love my honesty or that my quips really make them laugh. I've become accustomed to a humor based on the element of surprise. Surprised that I could or would say that.
I come off as shy. And now, I'm not sure if that is the proper term. Shy or anxious. Or both. I don't think that anyone should have to tiptoe around me, or how I will take something, just because of that fact. And, that tends to apply to how I perceive others too.
I have an abrasive personality. As time goes by, I can think of many reasons behind it, but I know it can't be summed up by one thing. It comes from years of experiences, some good, some bad, and many within the gray area.
A couple of things I want you to know: I don't want to hurt your feelings. I don't want to create a distance between us. But, it's what I tend to do.
I hate the idea of people going above and beyond for me, but sometimes I secretly wish they would. I know that's not fair, but it is true. I live on an unbalanced scale of selfless and selfish.
Maybe it's a sense of articulation that I'm lacking. A word-choice. A tone. I'm admitting openly that it's probably all of the above. Cause though I usually mean what I say, I don't always mean it in the way I said it.
I seem cold, and sometimes I feel like I am too. I get frustrated easily. I get road rage, though only in the emotional sense.
I tend to keep things surface level deep. Yes, I might tell you a lot, things that you could consider difficult or vulnerable, but they probably aren't to me. On one hand, I comprehend the power of words, but on the other, I could tell you anything without feeling a deep and personal connection.
This doesn't apply to every situation, though it would be easier if it did. I don't want you to think I'm lying or don't care, even you might be the exception.
In truth, I care too much, though I won't readily admit it. And I definitely won't say it out loud until I have to. I am awkward without trying to be. So, I avoid awkwardness (unsuccessfully) as much as possible.
I rarely feel completely confident, though I do feel competent. I like to put things off as much as possible to avoid confrontation in my personal life. To bottle it up inside, waiting for the blow-up.
I have been told that I have a messed-up view on relationships and life, which stuck. Not enough to change, because I don't really think I'm doing anything wrong, but because criticism hurts.
I worry constantly. A perk of being an anxious person, but I can condense the worry when necessary. I surprise even myself with my interests and my personality, but I've learned to roll with it.I feel hesitant to share so much of myself but also reassured that if, or when, I mess up, you might understand why.