Valentine's Day (noun):
1. A holiday in commemoration of Saint Valentine, celebrated on February 14 of each year.
2. The day all restaurants are booked and men's wallets are barren.
3. Every girlfriend's/wife's excuse to be showered with things that they'll never use again.
I'm not really a fan of Valentine's Day. I love romance as much as the next girl, but if you're dating or married it can often feel like a Hallmark holiday. When I was single it was just an annual reminder of the fact that I was alone, even on the days when I was totally okay with my single status. Before dismissing Valentine's Day altogether though, here's what it's really about.
The history of Saint Valentine is pretty murky. There are at least three different legends behind this story, but here's what they all have in common: Valentine's Day is a day to honor romantic love. While this has also expanded to cover the love that close friends and family share as American culture has evolved, what exactly are we talking about when we say "love?" Is it just a feeling of affection?
Many men feel pressured by their women to buy expensive gifts, take them to fancy restaurants, and shower them with flowers, but that isn't what love is supposed to be. Love is authentic, genuine, and reciprocal. Love respects boundaries. Love does not demand affection. It is not smothering or controlling, dishonest or disrespectful. Love is given freely, not forced.
Valentine's Day (and healthy relationships in general) is not about forced affection. It isn't about scraping your bank account dry and giving gifts out of obligation. If you are forced to buy expensive gifts and/or spend money on an expensive date night, you are likely experiencing a relationship void of acceptance and support. Maybe your girlfriend wants some kind of physical representation of your commitment to her, but grand gestures will not replace emotional intimacy.
Personally, I feel that Valentine's Day should simply be an expression from your heart. Maybe that does include gifts or a special night out and that's fine, but don't do it out of obligation. Do it out of love. Just make sure that you are taking care of what's really important: the unique qualities of your significant other and the deeper meaning of your relationship with him/her.
