There are many things that give me anxiety. Taking tests. Being late. Being forced to socialize with other human beings.
But on Memorial Day, I opened Spotify on my phone and experienced anxiety like I had never experienced it before. Among the classic Spotify playlists like Hot Country and Today's Pop Hits, there was a playlist unlike any other I had ever seen. A playlist that sent shivers down my spine.
Country Cookout With Guy Fieri.
My mind immediately went to the grotesque: Guy Fieri plays electric guitar (probably one with flames all over it) in his spare time and has created a Spotify playlist showcasing his skills.
This must be the ninth layer of Hell that Dante Alighieri was talking about.
Then I noticed that the aforementioned playlist had over 7,000 subscribers. That meant one of two things: either Guy Fieri's playlists is not chock full of his Kenny Rogers covers, or it still is and humanity has completely gone to shit.
I decided to put my faith in humanity (quite the leap, I know) and came to the conclusion that it couldn't possibly be a bunch of Guy Fieri covers.
Therefore, my mind moved to another scenario: this playlist was just a compilation of every Kid Rock and Uncle Kracker song ever made. Even the deep cuts. I happen to like Kid Rock and Uncle Kracker, so personally, this scenario didn't concern me in the slightest.
BRING ON THE
But I am not a selfish person, and I realized that most people aren't avid fans of Mr. Rock and Mr. Kracker. This could still be catastrophic. What has the world come to if a whopping 7,000 people have my taste in music? I don't even want to think about it.
Then I realized that I could both get on with my workout and get a definitive answer by just playing the damn playlist.
So I pressed play and...
It was actually really good. My listening experience began with the Willie Nelson classic "On The Road Again", and only got better from there. There was some Darius Rucker. The perfect amount of both Kid Rock and Uncle Kracker. Hell, there was even some Glen Campbell. GLEN CAMPBELL!
I f****** love Glenn Campbell!
And it wasn't just oldies. There was some John Pardi, some Thomas Rhett, and some Chris Stapleton.
And did I mention Glen Campbell?
All in all, if I had to rank Country Cookout With Guy Fieri on a scale from one to gangster, I think it breaks the scale:
I give it a resounding SLAMMIN'.