I hear it all the time from my friends. He “owes” me. Believe me when I say I used to be that kind of girl too, thinking that any guy that so much as forgot to text me back owed me a five paragraph essay explanation. But the older I get it becomes more clear that as women, men do not owe us anything. We owe it to ourselves.

Now I’m no different than any girl in the sense that I would be swept off my feet if a guy surprised me with gifts, showed up at my door with flowers, and knew how I took my coffee. The difference is that I don’t let myself live in that delusional world expecting this all the time, because it is truly unrealistic in your early 20’s.

Yes, there are prince charmings out there, and all men are not evil. But for us to a think a guy always owes us a date, dinner, a relationship, or anything along those lines is too much. It isn’t wrong for us to fantasize about all of the things we see in the movies, but we cannot expect it all to actually happen. As young women we could all use a good dose or reality from time to time, especially in this aspect of our lives.

If you’ve ever been in a serious relationship that didn’t work out, you know disappointment. You probably also saw the signs coming before that relationship deteriorated, and that’s the point I’m trying to make. The signs.

In one year of being single since my last serious relationship, like most women, I’ve seen a lot of different types of guys. I always thought that my ex-boyfriend owed me to make up for all the horrible stuff he did. But the moral of the story, with all the guys I have pursued, I definitely saw the signs coming, I just chose to ignore them.

Deep down, we know what’s about to happen before it happens. We know we are about to be told “you just aren’t what I’m looking for,” “I’m scared of commitment”, or “My last girlfriend ruined relationships for me”. Whether or not these lines are true is not the issue. It’s how we go about it.

If he doesn’t want to continue seeing you, he doesn’t have to take you to dinner to explain himself. You don’t still have to be friends. Extravagent items aren’t going to make up for anything in your relationship. I’m no different from any girl in wanting to know “why”, but more often times than not it’s just better to let it go. Ignorance might not always be bliss, but I can assure you waiting for any male to give you what he “owes” you is not bliss either.

So am I telling ladies everywhere to let a guy treat you bad and accept it? Absolutely not. I’m saying you owe it to yourself to realize that if a guy has to “owe” you something, he probably is not the right one, or a good one. I would like to think that the right guy for any girl would just want perform such acts, and is not doing them because somewhere along the way, we started to guilt them into everything.

Guys don’t owe you anything. You owe it to yourself to not be with someone who always owes you.