As I have gotten older I have looked at the people I surround myself with and time and again old faces begin to fade as new ones come in. When I was younger I hated this and fought to keep all of my friends close. Losing people you love hurts. For me, the first one hurt the most and in fact still hurts sometimes.

When I was in third grade I had a lot of friends. Most of these friends and I had very little in common other than our Pog and Pokémon card collections.

One day although, I met someone who I thought (at the time) would be by my side forever. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. I sat on the coveted cool kid swing set that was hidden in the back of the playground from the prying eyes of teachers monitoring recess. She was the new kid and sat alone on

top of the monkey bars. One of the other cool kids sat on the swing beside me and commented on the new kid’s Hypercolor t-shirt. Hypercolor was so second grade. I started to laugh and join in the mutual ridicule of someone who not only dared to be new but wore something at least six months out of elementary school fashion.

When I looked at the girl to find something else to make fun of I noticed something about her. She was tanned from her former home in Florida, another third grade faux pas. Pale was all the rage. Beyond her glowing skin something about her seemed overall different. I looked at her purple shirt turning pink in the waning summer sun and considered my Hypercolor shirt. I loved that shirt and wore it to bed almost every night, in secret of course. Who doesn’t love heat activated clothing? This girl wasn’t weird or something to be made fun of. She was unique and unashamed of wearing something that was clearly the most awesome item of clothing ever invented over radiantly tan skin.

I abandoned my swing and effectively my position with the cool kids and approached the girl on the monkey bars. The bell rang to end recess 10 minutes later but by then I was already hooked. We were inseparable from that day until the last day of the eighth grade.

Those five years together were endless times of gossiping about boys, wearing whatever we thought looked cool, hunched over the sleeves to our CD cases memorizing lyrics to our favorite Limp Bizkit songs and, deciphering the vague meanings of the colors our Jelly bracelets. Those times were the best and I never felt as close to anyone as I did to her. Until, the day it was over.

My family moved the summer between eighth and ninth grade. Monkey bar girl and I tried to stay close and we did for about a month but, I quickly made new friends and we lost touch. I mourned the loss of such a close friend for what now seems like much longer than was called for. Since then, I’ve been unable to keep a single friend as close as I’d like them to be or for as long. I meet someone and it’s great and then they’re gone. For a long time these losses kept me up at night. What do I do that makes people walk out of my life so easily?

It was only recently that I’ve began to think that maybe this is the way it is supposed to be. Childhood friends are stepping stones to discovering who we are as adults. The girl on the monkey bars taught me that it was okay to be myself and to be proud of that. My Hypercolor t-shirt doesn’t fit anymore and is lost somewhere in the boxes of my mother’s basement but I still wear the same Converse All Star sneakers that I wore in high school. I don’t think I would have the confidence to wear my old beat-up Chucks today if it weren’t for her. She taught me that if something seems cool to you to go with it.

I have lost friends that have taught me to love myself, to smile, that my hair looks best short and, that doing things outside of my box can be the best things I could ever do. Most importantly, what I’ve learned from the various friends that have come in and out of my life is how to love and to let go. Some friends move away, some friends stay but don’t stay the same, some stay but you aren’t the same, some grew up too fast and, some didn’t grow up fast enough. This isn’t a movie or TV show, we can’t grow up with everyone we knew when we were younger. People grow up differently and people change. Whatever the reason may be that your friends wandered out of your life it is important to remember the lessons that they taught you. Let them go without too much fuss; the next lesson is right around the corner.