There are so many stereotypes and assumptions about the roles, responsibilities, privileges and down-sides that come with being the first-born versus the second-child. The first child is more responsible, more mature and calculated about what they say, more executive. They always serve as a sort of "guinea pig" or "first draft" for parents to refine and revise in time for version 2.0. New parents get all of their mistakes out on the first. The second child gets new things years before their sibling. You got your ears pierced when you turned twelve? A phone at fourteen? We younger siblings will be happy to inform you that we got ours pierced at eight and not only a phone at eleven – but the next best version apple had to offer.
But what is it actually like to be the younger sibling? You will see a thousand articles having to do with whether or not birth order informs personality or success in later life – which kid is likely to be the funniest or the most bossy. You'll run into lists of famous first-borns and the anecdotes of seconds who claim that they definitely got away with more. A simple google search reflects what a timeless topic birth order happens to be. One search containing the keywords: "stereotypes" and "siblings" will lead you down a fruitfully endless road starting with reports such as Parent Magazine's article "How Birth Order Shapes Personality" or The Huffington Post's "28 Signs You're Dealing With An Oldest Child." That's all well and good for new parents trying to become conscious of the subtle, unintentional effects they may be having on their kiddos. But what if you're not a parent, and just a second looking for some small validation? If you really are just looking for some bite-sized snippets of the truth, here are some voices of real second-borns to give you just that:
"When you're really young, it's nice because there's always someone to play with. Also my mom would always protect me from my sister if she was being mean because I was smaller. Oh and hand-me-downs of course. On the other hand, it's annoying to be thought of as the baby even if there's just a small age gap between you and the older sibling." – Emily Dexter
"You learn from the mistakes of your older siblings, and you toughen up always trying to do things at the same level of difficulty as the eldest. Still, your parents never stop knowing you as the youngest, so even when you are the same age as when your sibling did something, you don't get to do it." – Willa Demasi
"Being the second is fun because when the day comes that you're told you look older, your sibling gets really annoyed. But being the second can also be unfair because your parents automatically assume that the eldest will be the more responsible and mature one. To my parents, I'll always be the littler one. For instance, if they gave us money for food, they'd hand it to my sister. If they needed us to call them, my sister would be expected to call. This can be nice, but it's harder to be taken seriously when you want to be." – Emma Beaumont-Smith
"I think that being the second child has affected me in terms of my values. Of course I believe what my parents raised us with, but watching my brother go through everything firsthand and figuring out the world for himself really determined which direction my own life would go in." – Sofia Martins
"Being the second child, you constantly feel like the 'baby' who can't do anything. You learn from the first child's mistakes so that you can do the same exact things but get away with whatever it is... Sometimes they baby you and don't let you do things. Living with a sibling actually prepares you to be more social in life later on." – Isabella Andrade
Erin Kelly-Makol, Nora Green, Taylor Walsh, Josie Weissburg, Stella Harris, Miles Damon, Miles Wilson
What I've gathered? Up to a certain age, most younger siblings will always be ready, and wanting to play. The oldest just has to say "when" and they'll have a playmate. It's a struggle when your sibling starts wanting to have his/her own room and to get rid of the bunk beds, when they want you to knock before entering, and especially the day they decide to donate old toys. Maybe they're ready to move on, but you sure aren't. You spend hours watching them play a new video game. You learn from their mistakes – whether it be which facial expressions in particular set your parents off, or how to not get busted pulling an all-nighter. So maybe, yes, we get away with more but it has just as much to do with our careful observations of you as it does with parental neglect. Secretly, our hope is that one day we can eclipse that brother or sister who met the height limit for that roller coaster we'll never forget. Cotton candy can only come so close to space mountain. They don't check up on you as often – which is great unless you're not very smart. Then in the future you'll wish you had someone telling you not to make that certain decision. Sometimes boundaries are helpful; parents don't want to hold the reigns too tight but no reigns can lead to the kid ultimately having more control.
And here are some of the most common misconceptions about being the second child:
1. They are more social but often less confident.
2. Always playing catch-up motivates you to achieve more. Sometimes competing for attention sucks. It can actually be de-motivating to watch as your older sister bounces down the stairs with yet another certificate of accomplishment to wag under your nose.
In the end, there's only one person you can call sibling. I've realized that recently. There's only one person that can remember that movie you used to watch endlessly together in the second grade. There's only one person that can remember the smell of your weird aunt's house or how truly scary that neighbor's dog really was. When it gets into the three's however, that's a whole different story. One in which you do not want to be in the middle...
