You know, I would include Cortana but really no one uses her. And let’s not talk about S Voice. Who’s that? Me too, my friend, me too.

While I use Siri sparingly, my friend has been enjoying the companionship of Google Assistant on her new phone. So of course, we decided to compare. Who's the funniest? Who's the most entertaining? Who's the best friend? Let's find out.

1. Make Me Laugh

Google Assistant shows a greater appreciation for the puns:

(Well, not the best puns.)

Also,

But Siri clapped back:

(Siri's refusal to give me the answer-what rhymes with dump-has me laughing in approval.)

Who's the funniest? The above is just one example, but there are far more examples of Siri's less-than-kind responses that I've left for the final category. Otherwise, seeing how Siri is basically the AI equivalent of Breanna Lee in terms of savagery, I'd have to give this category to her. Although I have to say that Google Assistant's humor is far cuter.

2. Entertain Me

Well, they only got half of our names right (mine, luckily), but I was dying of laughter with Google Assistant's cute way of giving us different nicknames in the duration of the game (where was that humor in the first category Google Assistant???). Unfortunately I do take offense to the blatant disparity in question difficulty between Sandwich and Whiskers.

All that aside, not bad. The game on Google Assistant even had its own intro and outro jingle. I've never seen Siri offer a game show-esque form of entertainment. No, instead I got this:

(Siri, you could have done anything else. Anything. You could have given me checkers. I didn't ask for much.)

Maybe it’s because I rarely use Siri so I don’t really know the features too well, but it seems as though Google Assistant provides more substantial entertainment. There are more options within the program to hear Google Assistant recite a poem, quote proverbs and riddles, recommend movies, “Random Fun”, and play games. Siri can probably do the same things, but they aren’t as suggested and you have to go out of your way to think of asking her for those options.

3. Be My Friend

(Google Assistant is probably the cutest and sweetest IPA ever.)

Meanwhile, Siri shut me down so many times that I took the liberty of making a collage:

(Siri was just so cold and curt that I'm laughing, but I'm also crying.)

Sadly, the winner of this category should be pretty obvious. Google Assistant not only complied to a singing request (quite well actually), she also knew my friend's name and pulled up her previous search requests to use them to show how well she knew her.

And there you have it! With 2 wins out of the 3 categories, the winner of this face-off is the baby Google Assistant, released only in the past year. Of course, I personally still prefer the dry-humored Siri, but too much of her can really bring me down sometimes.

Disclaimer: This face-off is simply for fun, I am not explicitly stating that one is better than the other.