To say that I deserve more than what I have been given in the last year is a drastic understatement.
Does that make me cocky? Maybe. But the simple fact is that I have been dealt a terrible hand in the last year. So now, I am on the journey to becoming truly happy in my life, no matter what that takes.
Last week, I had an honest hour with myself in my university's library. I sat down in a study room, made columns of the possible career plans I had in mind and made lists of the pros and cons for each one.
Ultimately, it turns out that what I need to be doing is not included in the degree I am graduating with.
After three years of college for a degree in literature, I have decided that I want to pursue a career in cosmetology. I have always deeply loved the makeup industry, and I always feel like a new woman when I get my hair done. So, of course, it's where my heart is.
Here's the issue: The first thing my family is going to say is, "What about the money?" Well, what about it?
Since when have I been the one to prioritize money in the grand scheme of what I want to do with my life?
I went through a lot in the last year, and it offered a lot of perspective on the direction that I want to take with my life. So, when I made the lists, I also made a list of things that had to be involved in whatever decision I made. It included things like the ability to travel, having the financial means to pay for healthcare and making sure that, no matter what I choose, I am happy with myself when I go to sleep each night.
As soon as I wrote "1,000 percent happiness with my decision" on the board, all signs pointed to the most illogical choice.
A lot of my thinking leading up to this point goes back to the way I was raised, especially with my dad's side of the family. I was raised to believe that if I didn't have money, I would not be happy — that I would be a failure and that a four-year education was the only answer.
The simplest statement is that they were completely wrong, especially for my life. Did it work for my brother? Yes, he seems to be pretty happy with the decisions he has made. Are my brother and I the same in that way? Not at all.
Quite simply, the thought process that I was taught is extremely toxic and obsessive. You get caught up in setting aside a certain percentage for savings. You're taught to not go out and experience the world until you're debt free. And you're taught to prioritize work, always. This has led me to say no to a lot of opportunities and to say yes to myself last.
Is my family successful? Yes. But I don't think they are actually happy with the people they are when they go to sleep at night.
I would rather be happy than be rich, and that will be the answer you get from me from now on. I am going to live unapologetically from here on out, and you will never hear me say sorry anymore.
So, to the way I was raised: You've done your job, but it's time for me to say goodbye.
I am not the girl you want me to be anymore.
