Picturing a racist can be a different experience for everyone. Close your eyes and picture a racist, right now. Did you see a cheeto dusted president? A white clad klansman? A hispanic teen? An angry Black Panther? I am not saying any of these are my vision, merely that all of these examples have been told to me this week when I asked people of various backgrounds what they saw. I know what I picture: A rough and tough white guy, maybe in his teens or twenties, with a confederate flag nearby. This was the racist I dealt with in high school most often, and I guess it stuck with me until today. I was fine with dismissing them though, as they were always dirty and spitting dip out into their Mountain Dew cups during class. One time a guy spit his dip out in the corner on the floor in the hallway. He made eye contact with me and I did my best to not look disgusted. The issue I am getting at is whatever your vision of a racist is, one guy is skewing it, for me at least. Aaron Schlossberg.

If you didn't see, Aaron Schlossberg is a New York lawyer who was caught on video having a rough time dealing with hearing another language while picking up a panini for lunch. He doesn't match a lot of generic racist looks, he is a lawyer. Fresh faced, well dressed, the whole deal. Probably has a bitcoin and insurance. He didn't like hearing spanish, although his website says he speaks it? He also forgot his panini, which is the real tragedy, obviously.

To admit my bias, I am hispanic. To embarrass myself, I don't really speak Spanish well. I was born in rural Oregon, and Spanish wasn't around like it was in this lunch spot. Hell, paninis weren't around either. I was lucky if mom had enough for McDonald's, so that's probably why I mourn for his panini.

My mother struggled to learn English and almost thirty years in, her accent is still strong. I remember when my youngest brother had a birthday, we ate at the Disney restaurant my mom washed dishes at. The chef came out and gave the family every appetizer and dessert and comped the meal. It must have been hundreds of dollars, this was a nice spot in Disney. He smiled and told us how vital my mother was, as she was the only dishwasher that could speak both English and Spanish. My mother beamed. I was so proud.

That rare moment comes flooded with hundreds of times my mother was insulted or dismissed because of her accent. I remember being mocked because I ran outside and told the church bus that my mother was running late putting on cosmeticos. I didn't know the English word. I had never heard someone say "makeup" or "cosmetics" in English before.

The racism is rough for immigrants in the United States, but the struggle of the immigrant finding themselves in a new world with a new language can be forgotten. The safety in finding someone else who shares your native tongue isn't just convenient or socially acceptable (the US doesn't have a national language so miss me with that racist shit), it can be a safety raft for someone struggling to translate a whole world. It can get an immigrant home with understandable directions, and it can order a panini. Language is great right?

Aaron Schlossberg released a statement claiming he is not racist, so there's that. He said "While people should be able to express themselves freely" in his short twitter apology which he posted on May 22nd, and that's the part that struck me the most. He danced the "I'm sorry but ashamed” dance, but seems to hold onto the fact that he was "expressing" himself. Does he feel like he is less free because his words hurt others? Probably. His world is crumbling. Grievances are being filed, his office lease is ending, the hounds are out for little Aaron. The internet doesn't take kindly to racism out and about right now, and the internet has far reaching hands.

To speak to the apology directly, I would say I accept. It sucked, but I accept it anyways. There is a satisfaction that comes when someone talks shit, then immediately gets consequences. I saw the video when it was on twitter, before he was identified. Overnight he was completely outed and running from reporters, which felt so fascinating to witness. I wonder if the internet social justice has gone too far (as it often does) but then I remember that he didn't just suddenly get offended by Spanish out of nowhere. This wasn't the first time for him. He has lived a racist life, and now he gets to be in exile. The racist’ exile. Goodbye Aaron, I forgive you. Sorry about the panini.