Not so long ago, in a little town very much like yours, there lived a young lady named Goldilumps. While Goldilumps was a strong, independent woman who could handle just about anything, there was one thing she dreaded most of all. Like most of us, Goldilumps hated bra shopping.
One day, Goldilumps realized that she had put off her shopping trip for far too long as she surveyed the sorry options in her dresser drawer. "Oh dear," said Goldilumps, dismayed. "This one is too tight, this one is stretchy and loose and this one is missing the underwire on one side!"
So, Goldilumps went out to find a new bra. When she arrived at the mall, she stood in the atrium in front of three stores. "Hm," said Goldilumps, biting a fingernail. "Which one should I choose? I can't choose the specialty store - it's too intimidating. And I can't choose the discount retailer - it's too disorganized." So, with all things being equal, she chose the store in the middle - the department store, where if she couldn't find what she actually needed, at least she could buy shoes or perfume or something so she didn't have to walk out awkwardly like an empty-handed loser.
Entering the store and making her way deep into the lingerie forest, Goldilumps found herself surrounded by a billion brassieres. They were on tables and racks and even on the walls. "Oh, where should I start?" fretted Goldilumps. "Those bras are too frilly and showy, and these bras look like something my great-grandma would wear!" So she strove to find a more practical option, soon honing in on a few in her size she thought she should probably try on.
In the dressing room, Goldilumps encountered another setback. "That can't be right," Goldilumps said, looking in the dressing room mirror in shock. "This one is too big, this one is too small and this isn't the shape of a bra cup at all!" Needless to say, she was growing frustrated with the nonequivalent sizing and the photoshopped brasserie bombshell models advertising perfect orb cups when the product ended up making things look more like floppy, walleyed pyramids. Disheartened after hours of trying, she purchased some garish socks and left.
Pondering over her porridge and toast that night, Goldilumps wondered where she had gone wrong. "Should I go to another store tomorrow?" asked Goldilumps. "The same thing will probably happen again if I do. Maybe I should try a subscription box!" she said, then sighed. "But what are the chances that it will actually fit when it arrives?"
Indeed, Goldilumps was in quite a pickle. We have all been through the struggle, but it's often difficult to suggest a solution to the bra shopping problem. There are simultaneously too many options, yet never enough to find that happy middle-ground. What's a Goldilumps to do?
