I recently wrote about applying for jobs as a senior ...I’ve tried and tried, and through that process I’ve realized, “Maybe I don’t want to work right away...? What else can I do?”

So then I remembered the research I had done on grad school over the last summer...Maybe I could do that? I’m kinda good at school, and it feels safer than the working world...so, why not?

But wait...this was in April–would any schools still be accepting applications? Only one way to find out, I suppose.

Now, I didn’t get to study abroad during my time as an undergrad. I sacrificed that opportunity to be an RA, which I did enjoy, so I don’t 100% regret that. But, I became kind of determined to go to grad school abroad...if I were going at all.

But what did I want to study? Ok, I’m a psychology major, but like…I kinda knew I didn’t want to pursue that any further than undergrad level. I mean...maybe? But also...probably not. I couldn’t see myself going into counseling/therapy, research, etc. so I kinda nixed that idea.

So I looked to my other major: music. What in music could I do? I didn’t want to be a performer. I didn't really want to go into production or engineering. I’m not the hugest fan of business...but it’d be a good way for me to understand the industry, right?

Well, yes...but also…

I mean, ok. So I applied. I applied to a music business grad program in Spain. I’ve been to the campus & it’s beautiful, so I had somehow convinced myself that it’d be my thing. I could totally do it. Who cares if I have no idea what I want to do. That doesn’t matter; I’ll figure it out there, right?

Sure...but something in me was telling me that I didn’t want to apply to just one school. And I guess my advisor wanted me to look at other opportunities, as well. But we didn’t research any other music business programs...instead, my advisor suggested I think about what I really actually like doing: songwriting.

Who the heck goes to grad school for songwriting? It seemed a bit unconventional...but at the same time, people go to grad school for music composition, so maybe it wasn’t so ~weird.~ And I love it. So why not?

The programs I settled on were both in England–one in London, one in Bath. One a music-specific institute, one a full university with multiple departments. Both for Master’s of Arts in Songwriting.

I applied. I interviewed with both schools. I played my music in auditions with the course leaders or faculty. I was accepted to both...I got into both :)

Now the problem (as I’m writing this) is which school to pick. There are so many factors to consider...Yes, they’re both in the UK, but they’re very different atmospheres. I’m currently a little bit lost in this decision–where do I really want to go?

But that brings me a little off topic…

Regardless which school I choose, I will be going to grad school abroad.

I will be studying something I love.

And I will be living independently...celebrating my first Christmas away from home, being in a different time zone than my parents for an entire year, and using a different currency than I’m used to.

A lot of changes. A lot of new things. But a lot of excitement, as well.

Part of me thinks I’m trying to escape my problems of “the real working world (ie. finding a job)” by moving to another country to be artistic. Part of me knows I am.

But most of me thinks and knows that I’m going off to create my own adventures and taking control of my life to do the things I want, love, and find joy in.

I mean, I don’t really know what I’m going to do in the future. Knowing that I’m going to grad school doesn’t change the fact that I have no idea where I’ll be in 5, let alone 10, years.

But if nothing else, I have ideas…

I’m still scared shitless.

I’m still lost in how I’m going to make a living.

But the one thing that my decision does change is that I’m now excited about the upcoming year.

I'm thrilled to be pursuing an opportunity that is uniquely me...for now.

Yes, I am relieved that I have somewhat of a plan. But don’t be fooled; I’m still clueless about my life in general.