In your three previous years of classes, you've aged by seventy years. You've begun to enjoy HGTV and Murder Mystery shows more than bar-hopping, but you're still technically young. It's a constant war within yourself between "these shoes are so cute" and "these shoes will hurt my feet and I can't even wear the with a ratty T-shirt." Many of your college friends still act spry and young and try to plan outings that are anything but purchasing home goods from Hobby Lobby, and you agree to these wild nights out of guilt because your excuses are running out and you do love your friends. So, you say yes to the outing, then begins the 5 phases of going out as an 'elderly' college student.
1. Phase One: Denial
You get in from class on the Friday in question and pretend you have nothing to do. You settle down with your dog, a cozy blanket, and a re-run of "Fixer Upper" denying the fact that you're supposed to be ready by 8.
2. Phase Two: Regret
6:30 rolls around, and you realize you have no desire to leave your copy, cozy spot on the couch. You begin racking your brain for possible excuses, realize you've used them all, and commence to hating yourself for agreeing to these horrible plans in the first place.
3. Phase Three: Despair
You drag yourself off of the couch, jump into the shower, get all cleaned up, wrap yourself in your towel and sit on your bed staring at the wall questioning life. "Why did I agree to this?"
4. Phase Four: Panic
You have now sat on your bed far too long to have time to be ready by eight. You begin to panic as your friends are texting you to inform you they are on their way to pick you up.
5. Phase Five: Acceptance
You are hopping into your heels as you go to answer the door and realize getting to hang with your friends is really a treasure, and you won't always have this much time with your friends. You leave your house and party the night away with the women you love, and as your feet get sore, and you long for your bed, you remember this is your last year together with such freedom.
