Growing up, church was always something I looked forward to. I remember the days of dressing up in my fanciest clothes and playing instruments in my Sunday preschool class. I remember the days when I had snacks and prayed before taking a handful of Gold Fish and a quick sip from my Dixie cup.
Easter and Christmas were the days I looked forward to the most. I remember dressing up in a sparkly red dress and singing Christmas Carols to my church with my church friends. I remember hearing the story about Jesus' death and resurrection and how the cross is the the greatest symbolism of God's love. Those are the holidays I loved and still love to this day because that is the way I knew Jesus the most...
Through Christmas and Easter!
I loved hearing stories about these magnificent Bible characters that God chose to do these amazing things and I wanted nothing more than to be a Bible character.
(Hey, who wouldn't want to receive God's word from a bush on fire?!)
As I aged, however, I realized what the word hypocrisy meant.
And I learned it from church.
When I was in fifth grade, I received some news that changed my life forever. I couldn't believe that this was happening. To my family, who I thought was perfect and amazing.
My parents were getting a divorce.
I remember being younger and hearing that once you are with 'the one,' you're supposed to be with that person. You're supposed to love that person and pray with them and thank God everyday for making you soulmates. Why were my parents, the ones I loved with all my heart, ending a love that God gave them?
Then people started to hear about the divorce.
People shamed my mom for doing this.
They were ashamed of her for making this decision even though it was a two-person job.
Both of my parents wanted a divorce yet they only blamed my mom.
The reason why?
God forbids divorce.
They told my mom that God was angry at her instead of telling her that God loves her and that He will hold her in His hands.
Where was the love that God taught them? The support? Why did they judge her instead of helping her?
Much to say, my family stopped going to that church and we went to another one. I actually attended that church for Sparkies, TNT, and high school. It was fun at first.
But it was extremely cliquey.
People were only friends with the people they knew and only stuck with that group. Reason why? The church was also a private school and they were friends with one another already.
And left me with no one.
I hung out with my high school pastor a lot and he was the only reason why I kept on going. His faith in God is truly amazing and I am thankful that I got to know him. The day when he left was the day I knew that I was never going back to that church again. He was the only one in that big room that truly cared about me outside of a small group setting. Leaving was honestly my best option.
God does not like cliques. He does not like it when people close others off from joining their friend groups. God made people to work together and when they close off from each other and only hang out with certain people, they are going against His word. Be friends, not separates.
Then the last church.
I was invited by two people who used to be great friends with me. I decided to tag along one day and see what the church had to offer.
And it was the church that I was looking for.
Everyone had a friend to be with and I finally felt like I was in the church that I was looking for. I was finally at the church I prayed for!
Until the sermons came along.
The pastor's sermons were full of ridicule, hate, humiliation, and much more. People who love differently, think differently, or speak differently were centered around these sermons. I couldn't believe what I was hearing and I wanted to leave every time a rude remark left my pastor's mouth.
That and I was threatened to leave the church because of some girl I had drama with. It was either I got along with her or I had to leave.
After that, I knew that I wanted to leave.
Even after the girl moved away, I never stepped foot into the church again.
And I've only been in a couple churches in a year or so, which brings me to this.
Does God still love me?
Does He love the girl that anxiously waited for church every Wednesday and Sunday or does He love the college student who is struggling with her faith and finding 'the church?'
The question is simple.
He loves them both.
He will always love that little girl who watched a production of Jonah when she was five (I still have a pink whale from that day) and He will always love the woman that is trying to find her place in this world.
He will always love me, no matter what.
He will always love His children, the ones who attend church every Sunday and the ones who barely attend church or the ones who never even step foot in a church.
God still loves you, no matter what.
Hebrews 10:25 says " And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of His return is drawing near."
Yes, God does want us to go to church.
Yes, God does not want us to neglect Sundays.
No, he does not want us to be with people who judge us, exclude us, or humiliate us.
He wants us to be in a place where everyone loves and accepts one another, no matter what.
I have yet to find 'the church,' but I know that God has the right one for me and I can't wait until that day comes.
