Feeling alone is such a part of everyone's walk with Christ. Only in the times of feeling completely alone is when you meet God's face. The one who has never left your side and never has asked for recognition. The one who doesn't need you to acknowledge Him for Him to be there for you. The one who day in and night out continues to protect you and want the best for you. The one who prays harder than you do. The one who wants good things for you when you don't know what good is anymore. When you cried that night, He caught every tear. When you thought you weren't good enough He made sure you knew that your worth can't be measured. You thought everyone left you, you thought He left you too, but He never did. That's the cool thing about God, cliche and all, but He never leaves your side.

I think we don't appreciate the small things sometimes. We take for granted everyone we get to spend time with daily, and yes, our co-workers are a part of those people. We take for granted the relationships we have and the ones we could make. I have been going through the worst season of my life spiritually and the worst three days that really have changed my outlook on life. It only took three days for God to show me who I am and who I could become if I keep going down the path of doubt and worry.

This is the thing about God. He needs you to trust him, because only with your trust can He work. It's as if He is asking your permission to enter your life and shift it, even though He doesn't need permission to shift the life He gave you. When you choose to trust Him you are choosing to give up your own understanding and knowledge for His. It doesn't mean you will know all the answers right away, it simply means that you give Him the authority in your life to answer your questions. Whether He answers them now or five years down the road, give Him the authority in your life to answer your questions. Give him the authority even when you already found an answer, but it might not be the right one.

God can turn anything around.

But like I said above, I have been going through the worst three days of my life. If someone asked me what is the worst kind of suffering, I would say that it is watching someone you love and care about in pain. Something about seeing someone so vulnerable and helpless is heart breaking. Especially when you, yourself cannot help them or save them from it. In this case, from themselves. This is where I am learning the true meaning of love.

The love that Jesus talks about multiple times in the Bible. The love that is not selfish, the love that doesn't give up and is endless. Because when you cannot help someone, all you can do is love them. Love them at their lowest, love them when they are weak, love them even when you don't know how to. Because that's how Jesus has loved me. He has loved me without counting my mistakes, without counting my sin, without counting how many times I have chosen to walk away from Him, without counting the times I have hurt Him by hurting myself. He chose to love me despite the ugliness, despite the shame that could come from loving someone unclean and dirty. He made himself relatable to me and showed me grace. And in this time of my life, this person who is hurting right now, who is in need of love, who is going through tribulations, they need love.

I thought this person needed me, but instead I needed them. I thought this was a lesson for them to learn, but instead this was a lesson that God is teaching me. The lesson of trust and love. He has wrecked me where it hurts most, He has let me cry and feel every single emotion until I no longer could bear it anymore. Until eventually I gave up and gave it up to Him. He allowed me to feel the suffering until I said, "I am weak, I can't do this on my own. Just make it stop." He let me cry out to him in need and fear. Not to leave me there but to show me that I need Him. To show me that He is the God of all, the one who does make the suffering stop, the one who has the power to save souls, the one who rescues, the one who has the power over mankind. He let me feel pain for me to feel peace and for me to know that the peace afterwards comes from Him. He gives me breath and life. And He needed me to remember who He is. I had to physically and mentally make myself small for Him to make himself bigger. "I am nothing." I am nothing without Him. There isn't a me without Him. I needed to remember who brought me out of my mess and who is going to bring that person in my life who is suffering out of theirs.

So yes, right now I am weak. Right now, I am completely disabled. Disabled fleshly, but not spiritually. Because even when my body and my mind say to me, "Trust in yourself," I remind myself that the only one who can restore and heal is Jesus. I remind myself how many times I have gotten myself in trouble and God has brought me out of it. I remind myself that when I was weak, he made me strong. And when I was strong, he made me weak. Because Jesus has that power. He will forever have that power. So yes, I am saddened that I can't do much for this person in my life who is hurting, but I am happy and secure that I know someone who can and will.

I pray for God's authority in your life and in mine, too. I pray that you humble yourself to know that you will always need him. And if you ever forget that you need him, ask him to remind you.