God Loves Hawaiian Pizza: A Reply To The Haters
Start writing a post

God Loves Hawaiian Pizza: A Reply To The Haters

Why supporting pineapple on pizza is the only correct way to live.

God Loves Hawaiian Pizza: A Reply To The Haters

As both a strong advocate for pineapple on pizza and for moral decency (the two are practically intertwined), I find it necessary to reply to this article and state the case for the Hawaiian-Italian ambrosia.

We live in an era heralded as the Information Age, a time where cultures and societies have become intertwined, where human contact has continuously manifested itself time and time again in new and exciting ways. Pineapple on pizza combines the grand legacies of the Polynesian kingdoms of old, the gloried, the hagiographic empire of Rome. The sweetness of the tropics is combined with the savory taste of the Mediterranean. If that doesn’t say Information Age, I don’t know what does.

In the article I am replying to, lovers of Hawaiian pizza are condemned to a new, tenth circle of Hell as described in Dante’s "Inferno". I would like to refute this fact by citing a passage of Paradise Lost, the biblical epic written by John Milton.

I have no doubt Milton wrote in the character of Satan with Hawaiian pizza haters in mind. In Book 4, Satan states in lines 73-75: “Me miserable! Which way shall I fly / Infinite wrauth and infinite despair? / Which way I fly is Hell; myself am Hell.” Such is the state of existence lived in by pineapple pizza haters. Lost in a limbo that is a living Hell, they wander from place to place, unaware of their own satanic predicament. In rejecting the blessing of ambrosial pineapples upon their pizza slices, they shy away from God’s grace into the consuming darkness of mortality.

Regardless of your personal taste for pineapple on pizza, can’t we all agree that it is best and ultimately easier to encourage rather than discourage innovation? The human race has only gotten so far due to its inventive capacities. To deny Hawaiian pizza is to cast aside the principle of inventiveness itself, to disregard the rise of humanity. Religious or not, it is a, therefore, a sin against humanity to deny the pizza. It stands for so much more than the sum of its parts.

In all seriousness, I do personally like Hawaiian pizza. It might not be the most conventional, but I think it’s nice to have a bit of sugary sweetness to go with warm, savory cheese. That’s my take. I just figured since the other article cited Dante’s Inferno, I’d have to rise to its level. Anyway, dear readers, do not be lured by the haters into a personal Hell! Do yourself a favor and support pineapple on pizza. In doing so, I can assure you that you won’t be damned to the tenth ring of Hell.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

12 Reasons Why I Love Christmas

What's Not To Love? But These Reasons Are Why Christmas Is Best

Young woman with open arms enjoying the snow on a street decorated with Christmas lights.

There are so many reasons why I love the Christmas time! Check out the joy that makes this time of year truly special, from festive traditions to heartwarming moments. Enjoy!

Keep Reading...Show less

A Beginner's Wine Appreciation Course

While I most certainly do not know everything, I feel like I know more than the average 21-year-old about vino, so I wrote this beginner's wine appreciate course to help YOU navigate the wine world and drink like a pro.

White wine being poured into a glass

Keep Reading...Show less
Types of ice cream

Who doesn't love ice cream? People from all over the world enjoy the frozen dessert, but different countries have their own twists on the classic treat.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

100 Reasons to Choose Happiness

Happy Moments to Brighten Your Day!

A man with a white beard and mustache wearing a hat

As any other person on this planet, it sometimes can be hard to find the good in things. However, as I have always tried my hardest to find happiness in any and every moment and just generally always try to find the best in every situation, I have realized that your own happiness is much more important than people often think. Finding the good in any situation can help you to find happiness in some of the simplest and unexpected places.

Keep Reading...Show less

Remember The True Meaning of Christmas

“Where are you Christmas? Why can’t I find you?”

A painting of the virgin Mary, the baby Jesus, and the wise men

It’s everyone’s favorite time of year. Christmastime is a celebration, but have we forgotten what we are supposed to be celebrating? There is a reason the holiday is called Christmas. Not presentmas. Not Santamas. Not Swiftmas. Christmas.

boy standing in front of man wearing santa claus costume Photo by __ drz __ on Unsplash

What many people forget is that there is no Christmas without Christ. Not only is this a time to spend with your family and loved ones, it is a time to reflect on the blessings we have gotten from Jesus. After all, it is His birthday.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments