God Changed My Heart My Junior Year Of College

God Changed My Heart My Junior Year Of College

God isn't asking you to figure it all out. He's asking you to trust that He already has.

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Junior year was really tough for me. Finally diving into my major of sociology and my minor in criminal justice. The entire time, I kept thinking "if this is God's plan and if this is what He wants for me then I'll succeed." And I did. By the of this spring semester, I was so worried and stressed about my grades because many were on the borderlines. But God came through for me. He made me succeed, even when I felt like I was defeated.

Last semester I prayed to find an organization to belong to on campus. God brought me to Phi Lamb with a sorority of sisters who all love and encourage one another. God changed my heart. He taught me how to be more kind, more patient, more sincere, more genuine, more authentic, more me. I had a plan for myself. I knew I wanted to be an elementary school teacher, but God had something better in store for me. Everything was put in my path so that I could overcome it and I could be a better person because of it. If I hadn't found out that being a teacher wasn't in my cards, I wouldn't have found out what I really love learning about- sociology and criminal justice. This decision turned out to be a huge blessing, even though I didn't see it at the time.

This semester was also really difficult for me because I did the first 2 and a half months of classes while completely focusing and giving school my 110% to come home over spring break and find out that my grandpa had passed away with the first night of me being back home. I think my grandpa had a lot to do with my grades too because he knew that I was really interested in criminal justice just like he was. I could tell that he was excited for me and for the direction in which I am going. He always motivated and encouraged me. After returning to school at the end of March, I lost a little bit of motivation. Things had gotten harder for me and overall I felt like I was struggling a lot more than I was before. There hasn't been a day that goes by that I don't think of him, or write to him. I had to keep going, I had to. I had to make him proud and I had to make myself proud; which I know I did. I fought my way through the rest of the semester praying and hoping that I could handle it.

I know better than to let my grades define me and it's easier said than done. But I can't tell you how disappointed I felt to know that I didn't make the grade I wanted or the grade that I thought I had earned when I got a C instead of a B in a class. I always have stuff in the back of my mind, all the time. My mind had flashbacks of the many hard days at school or the late nights of studying or all of the hard work I had put in. Here's that word again that I'm thinking of: ENOUGH. "Why am I not enough? Did I not do enough? Did I not study enough? Did I not try hard enough?" I think that's the controlist and perfectionist in me, always striving to be better and to do better and for things to go MY way. But it was never about MY way; it was about GOD'S way. But then unexpectedly one night, I decided to check my final grades one more time and 3 of my professors has unexpectedly bumped up my final grade in their classes (which was on the borderline and had completely stressed me out.) I didn't think any of my professors would do that for me- but it was so kind that they did. This has never happened to me before but I am really grateful that it did. I was shocked and couldn't believe it. I am still amazed and I continue to be.

Follow God and His plan will come through for you too. God isn't asking you to figure it all out. He's asking you to trust that He already has.

https://www.redbubble.com/people/anniebananie13/works/28013193-be-still-and-know-that-i-am-god?p=art-print

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To The Friends I Won't Talk To After High School

I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.
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Hey,

So, for the last four years I’ve seen you almost everyday. I’ve learned about your annoying little brother, your dogs and your crazy weekend stories. I’ve seen you rock the awful freshman year fashion, date, attend homecoming, study for AP tests, and get accepted into college.

Thank you for asking me about my day, filling me in on your boy drama and giving me the World History homework. Thank you for complimenting my outfits, laughing at me presenting in class and listening to me complain about my parents. Thank you for sending me your Quizlets and being excited for my accomplishments- every single one of them. I appreciate it all because I know that soon I won’t really see you again. And that makes me sad. I’ll no longer see your face every Monday morning, wave hello to you in the hallways or eat lunch with you ever again. We won't live in the same city and sooner or later you might even forget my name.

We didn’t hang out after school but none the less you impacted me in a huge way. You supported my passions, stood up for me and made me laugh. You gave me advice on life the way you saw it and you didn’t have to but you did. I think maybe in just the smallest way, you influenced me. You made me believe that there’s lots of good people in this world that are nice just because they can be. You were real with me and that's all I can really ask for. We were never in the same friend group or got together on the weekends but you were still a good friend to me. You saw me grow up before your eyes and watched me walk into class late with Starbucks every day. I think people like you don’t get enough credit because I might not talk to you after high school but you are still so important to me. So thanks.

With that said, I truly hope that our paths cross one day in the future. You can tell me about how your brothers doing or how you regret the college you picked. Or maybe one day I’ll see you in the grocery store with a ring on your finger and I’ll be so happy you finally got what you deserved so many guys ago.

And if we ever do cross paths, I sincerely hope you became everything you wanted to be. I hope you traveled to Italy, got your dream job and found the love of your life. I hope you have beautiful children and a fluffy dog named Charlie. I hope you found success in love before wealth and I hope you depended on yourself for happiness before anything else. I hope you visited your mom in college and I hope you hugged your little sister every chance you got. She’s in high school now and you always tell her how that was the time of your life. I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.

And hey, maybe I’ll see you at the reunion and maybe just maybe you’ll remember my face. If so, I’d like to catch up, coffee?

Sincerely,

Me

Cover Image Credit: High school Musical

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Sometimes "Out With The Old In With The New" Isn't the Best thing

We can't lose touch of the simpler things in life

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When I think about how much has changed and how much my world has developed since I was little, I get mind boggled realizing how different things are. I work at a restaurant in the city that I grew up in and I see famillies come and go for dinner every night. They all seem the same. The parents will walk in, check in with the hostesses and wait to be seated. If they're asked to wait, the kids sit by their parents sides playing on phones that are probably too young to have. I understand that waiting can get tedious and boring. By the time that they would sit down, I'd imagine that they would put down the devices and engage in some good old fashion conversation. I was wrong. It made me sad to see kids eating dinners with their families with zero interaction. When I was younger, I enjoyed the quality conversations I would have with my family when we got breaks from our all very hectic schedules. It's amazing how much technology has advanced, but sometimes, I believe that we might rely on it too much.

Seems like more and more things are becoming industrialized. Those "mom and pop" shops are closing down due to corporate companies buying the land. I have enough Walmart and Targets in a ten minute radius from me. Sure, places like these carry necessities are important, but when local Nurseries are closed down in order to build a new gas station, it just becomes sad. As things progress more, the more we lose touch of our roots. The places that make home special and different. The moments we have as a kid that don't involve a light on our face. Modernism is a powerful and amazing thing but we need to take a step back and reevaluate what we hold closest to us.

All in all, as we continue to develop, I will continue to advocate for the simpler moments and the simpler times. I don't think my kids will need iPhones right out of elementary school, I'll continue to visit the same hometown shops and give them as much business as possible, I'll always ask if he kids want coloring sheets at the dinner table. Although these small things might not matter in our everyday new world, they matter to me. I will always try to have so much fun that I forget to document things with my phone. The laughter and memories without the technology present. Those are the moments worth remembering.

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