Have you ever heard someone say, “Sometimes God calms the storm, but sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms the child?” This expression describes my walk with Jesus Christ in its entirety. When I moved away from home and started college, my Jesus story began. With my newfound freedom, my life took a turn for the worst. I spent almost every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night at the bar, drinking my life away. I made careless decisions, lost countless friends, and was known as the “party girl.” My god was a $5 bottle. Yes, alcohol replaced the one true living and breathing God. As humans, we tend to stray away from Him; we decide we can conquer the world, and we know what is best. Eventually, we lose ourselves and begin to wonder if God is really for us. However, the mistakes, tears, heartbreaks, or brokenness can all be washed away when we truly listen and find peace in Him.
As I found myself at rock bottom, I picked up my bible and realized that an idol is anything that comes before God. An idol takes God’s place in our heart. It can be alcohol, drugs, a job, relationships, money, etc. In Leviticus 26:1, God says "Do not make idols or set up carved images, or sacred pillars, or sculptured stones in your land so you may worship them. I am the LORD your God.” As I am writing this, I reflect on my past relationships and I wipe tears from my eyes just thinking about the people I hurt… and MOST of all, how I let God down.
My story does not end there. It was really just the beginning. Alcohol was just another idol, and I eventually made an earthly and flawed man my idol. He was my replacement for alcohol and I wanted nothing more than to please him. This relationship only led me further and further away from Christ. I had no idea that rock bottom was really just an entrance to more darkness in my life. You see, when you are so deep in sin it is so difficult to find light in the dark void. I needed a light that was from another dimension; a light so great that God himself can only produce.
I remember feeling that hopelessness in my heart, and I yearned for something so much greater than my earthly struggles. This is the moment God took control of my life. We as Christians and humans are put on this earth by God. We are to develop relationships with not only Him, but earthy relationships that serve him better in unity. When God took control in that moment, he spoke through a friend of mine and his words still shake me to the core. He said, “Addy, are you even a Christian?” At first, I was defensive, how could a dear friend ask me that? However, I began to assess my previous decisions and actions throughout the course of my life. He was right, why would anyone have a reason to think I actually am a Christian? My back was turned to God for so long that HE needed to use a relationship that I actually cared about in order for me to listen. I remember feeling God’s presence that day like never before. I knew my life was in need of change, but most of all I needed God’s grace and forgiveness.
It was not all rainbows and sunshine from there. I had to take action, and I began to slowly let go of the idols that I followed and worshipped for so long. The more I let go, the more I let God take control of my life. It was time for me to rededicate my life to Christ and accept God’s will for my life. This has truly been the best decision I have ever made. I want to remind you that sin is futile, but God can always cleanse and restore your soul again.
