Dear God,
I’m not even exactly sure what to say, I wish things were different. I wish I wasn’t writing this from the place that I am, this place of hurt and darkness. Looking for someone to blame for all the bad in the world, all the pain in my life. Seeking hopelessly for some form of answer for some guidance, only to be left alone in the dark.
Life doesn’t make sense, like at all. I find myself trying to make sense of things that simply can’t be explained. It’s overwhelming, this feeling of hopelessness and longing for answers. Its tiring, trying to do good, to do better, to be happy, and just to live. Sometimes I am too tired, and I just can’t really do it. Sometimes, I even think maybe you will respond, maybe I will get some help some guidance. Those are the worst days, sitting, thinking that maybe you will help.
Sometimes I feel like I can’t get it right, that nothing I do is working. Nothing can fix the broken pieces that I have become, can bring me out of the dark spiral that I have swirled down. But then I remember all the good, all of the blessings that do surround me each and every day. The truly special people that have come into my life, the people that have built me up on my darkest days. I remember all of those things, those things are the fuel to the good. The fuel to the power that forces us to keep going. In the event of your absence, I look to the simple blessings for help.
There are so many things I am afraid I will never understand. But maybe that is how it is supposed to be, we are not supposed to understand it all. Although many things are not meant to be understood many valuable lessons can come from those things. When you throw the curveballs, and the hardships, it teaches strength and endurance. Teaches us to love so incredibly deeply, to treasure each moment. I’m not even sure I completely believe in you to be honest, but I do know that there must be a reason for everything that happens. But if you are really out there, I would love a little extra happiness, and maybe little more love in my life please.
