Through the Looking Glass
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

Through the Looking Glass

Coming to terms with my mental health

Through the Looking Glass

I'm a friendly person. I smile a lot. I like making my friends laugh and crack jokes all the time. Behind this personable demeanor though, I have a well-kept secret. Most of the people that know me probably would never guess that I have struggled with depression since middle school. Only a few of my very close friends are aware of the inner demons I've struggled with throughout my life. There are only three of them who know I have had suicidal thoughts. Well, that was then and now there's more.

I'm divulging all of this for the first time because mental illness should not be something that is dealt with in secret, is an "issue" to be stigmatized, or a factor that isolates an individual from those they love/care for most. I just had an incredible- mind you, hectic- first week of my final collegiate semester.

I finished applying to Graduate programs, I was accepted to a national conference, and I squared away my academics so I am on-track for Commencement in a few months. I also came to terms with my mental health and scheduled my first counseling session.

However, I am also fully aware that while I'm on Cloud 9 now, I will soon be in a low. Sometimes it happens gradually and I simply lose motivation or productivity.

Other times, I feel so abysmally inept that I want to stay in bed for days because nothing about my life or current situation is worth having to face the world. I have days where I cry alone in the library or a random empty lounge merely because I think I'm an utter waste of cognition.

There are days where I wish or think humanity would genuinely be better off without me. Rationally, I know that's not true. That's the thing about depression/anxiety though, it's not rational. It doesn't account for the mundane and the little achievements of everyday living. It doesn't allow you to see the whole picture. You. Just. Feel. Like. Shit.

Now, I'm not writing this as a pity party so my readers see me differently. That may happen, but that's not the goal of this piece. What I do want you all to take away is that mental illness doesn't have one face. It doesn't have a certain "look."

There aren't always "signs" or "signals." It's just there. Affecting anyone, possibly everyone at some point or another in life. And that's ok. You don't have to have everything figured out, you don't have to be perfect or functioning 100 percent of the time, and you certainly don't have to be happy in every moment.

I do want you to be safe and to feel like you're not suffering alone. It may come off as cliché, but it's true. If it helps someone out there, even in the slightest way, to know that someone who seemingly has it "all together" really doesn't...then take a long look. We're in the same boat kiddo! I'm throwing you a life vest of support and we can float on together.

So please folks, remember to show compassion for your fellow human. Choose kindness. Be patient. Try to understand. There can be a lot happening behind that smiling, jovial face.

(Some) Resources

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1- 800-273-8255

Hopeline: 1-877-235-4525

The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments