The more things change, the more they stay the same. I’ve been a big fan of movies for as long as I can remember, and with these many years of watching movies, there are certain recycled tropes and themes I have come to despise. The top of my list being the tried, true, and honestly boring remodeled plot at the heart of basically every romance movie. You guys know what I’m talking about: The quirky main character in all your favorite movies that falls in love with the hot girl he meets in passing and does anything it takes to win her over (Re: 50 First Dates).

I have no tolerance for this generic nice guy trope. I have no patience for people who live and die by movies centered around these paper characters. And I have no time for movies or books or TV shows that allow these stories to keep being told over and over again. And it’s not because I’m against romance movies. It’s because I’m against the shift these movies have made and the way that these movies glamorize toxic behavior in the name of “romance.”

Many romance movies depict behavior from our main characters that is problematic and normalizes it to the viewing public. You all know the age-old plot points I’m referring to: Cutesy scenes of the adorkable man-boy at the center of our story trying to break up the girl he likes and her new boyfriend. Or the scene where they show him waiting around her favorite places in town for a chance to talk to her. Or maybe they show our “hero” asking the girl out over and over again to show his resilience and how he’s not willing to give up. In these movies, this behavior is shown to be a standard of love, instead of a clear indication of toxic, manipulative behavior. And therein lies the problem.

One of the worst things about these movies is the way they affect the young people who grow up watching them. Movies like these show love to be a possessive entity that is entitled to all. These depictions coddle the young men in our society and feed into young men’s sense of entitlement. It shows them, in a clear and visual medium, that it’s okay to ignore a girl when she says no, or that it’s okay to threaten to kill yourself when she says no, so long as it’s for “love” (Re: The Notebook). It’s okay to take what you want and isolate your girl (Re: 50 Shades of Grey) from all her friends and family (after all, she’s your girl, right?).

Manipulation and lying is suddenly considered to be okay, as long as it’s under the guise of romance. This behavior is shown to be all right, because at the end of the day, no matter what he’s done, the hero always ends up with the girl. And even worse, these portrayals not only normalize this sort of behavior, they romanticize it. This is what romance is. This is what your relationship should be like. This is love.

Films such as these teach young people a very warped idea of what love should be and how love should feel. It explains abusive behavior as just another part of being in love. One of the most “romantic” parts, in fact. Even if YOU don’t personally believe them to be harmful, from personal experience I can tell you, they are. If a person sees mostly narrow and abusive representations of love in films and TV shows while they are still growing and learning about the world and what love is, these depictions will have an effect on what their definition of love is, and what is encompassed in that definition.

The media people consume growing up affects their outlook on the world and their expectations for how, in some part, the world is “supposed” to be. Meaning, that the content you consume actually matters. Love exists beyond the theaters and so do the effects of the questionable lessons learned at the end of each of these cliché-riddled films. It’s time to unlearn the popcorn flick idea of romance and it’s time to demand better of the movies that are made.