It may have looked like I gave up, and on some level I may have. But I really didn’t give up - I gave in. I gave it all I had until I couldn’t do it anymore.

Giving up is when you quit or withdraw from something, but giving in denotes that you are surrendering to something.

I did leave, so in that sense I gave up. But I had done everything I could to stay, and when it came down to it I just couldn’t. I drug myself out of bed every morning before the crack of dawn, fought through the gruesome workouts, and lifelessly trudged through the rest of my day - only to do it again the next morning.

I was a lifeless shell of who I use to be. And for what? For something that I neither loved nor was passionate about. I continued to push myself through it because I thought “giving up” would make me a quitter. I didn’t want to disappoint my family, my friends, my teammates, and everyone else that had helped me get to the point I was at.

But "giving up doesn't mean you're a quitter, it just means whatever you're fighting for is no longer worth the fight." -Unknown

I couldn't continue to do this to myself. I was not only losing myself, I was also losing the experience and opportunities college was giving me. The weekends were spent recuperating from the exhausting week, which meant while my roommate and friends went out I went to bed. When I scrolled through social media awing over the photos of my peers abroad, it pained me to know I would't be able to fulfill my passion of traveling.

I was fighting a fight who's winnings I wasn't entirely sure were worth what I was giving up in turn. The scholarship, the access to academic help, the gear, the thrill in saying I was a Division 1 athlete, the pride in my parents', coaches', friends' - it was a lot to lose, but it didn't matter.

I remembered the wise words my high school counselor once told me. "You don't have to try so hard." I thought of how these words had previously guided me through a difficult time, and I knew that they could do the same now.

So I tell you this, whatever you're debating on leaving, and however hard it is to make, remember why you started. If you remember why you started, you know why you must continue. But if you're like me and you can't remember why you ever agreed to start, then you're going to have a difficult time trying to find why you must continue.

You don't have to try so hard. You don't have to keep putting yourself through hell for artificial reasons. Continue if what you're doing is your passion, if it is what makes your heart beat. It is hard to keep doing something you don't love, but by no means do you have an obligation to continue.

Take a chance. Your life may change drastically, but I can testify that it can be for the better. I am no longer a shell. I am no longer trudging through life. I am happy, and I am proud to say that I gave in - not gave up.