Last week on Odyssey, I wrote an article tiled "How Dare You Assume I'm Straight." It's part one of four of my mini-series on the coming out process and my experiences with finally being myself. Feel free to check out that article and come back to this one.
This week I want to focus on another step - coming out to another person. In my previous article, I mentioned that I went to counseling, so technically speaking my counselor was the first person I came out to, but I'm referring to the first person in your life. For me it was my best friend and roommate. Oh, and my co-worker, so to say our lives are intertwined is an understatement. I had already told her that I was going to counseling, but not why.
There is no correct way or wrong way to come out to someone. You decide who to come out to, when and how.
Now, I'm not the most graceful and slick human being. I set up telling my friend in such an awkward way. She was at work and I texted her to ask when she was coming home (even though I know when she gets off). Of course she asked why, so I tried to play it off real smooth like and texted back, "No reason."
From that moment until she came back to the apartment, I had sweated enough to fill a small pond, reorganized my books, tidied up the living room and my bedroom, and laid on my bed and pondered life's greatest questions for a solid amount of time. I was currently pondering when I heard her keys turn in the lock. I quickly grabbed something to look busy and nonchalant-like. She walked into the apartment and got settled. I thought my heart was going to fly out of my chest. My mind was racing with fears so I quickly talked myself out it. By the time she walked to the part of the apartment that housed our rooms, I had already conceived myself she would demand a new roommate the moment I told her I was gay. When she asked what was going it, I quickly dismissed my message as nothing and told her never mind. Now, my best friend/roommate/co-worker is a no-nonnsense kind of person so once I fed her that line of BS she wasn't happy.
After that, I sat in my room running through it all again. I wanted to tell her. I had pegged her as a good reaction, but I was still crippled by my fears. An hour or so passed until I mustered up the courage again. I very stealthily (which means that I probably made enough noise that my neighbors heard me) crept out of my room to see what she was doing -- which, by the way, was nothing. I asked if she didn't mind if we talked and I told her. Yep, that's how it went. I told her I was gay. Talk about a build up? She was completely cool and accepting.
I was terrified for nothing. I was lucky that the first person I came out to was accepting, but so many individuals aren't as lucky. Countless others face violent reactions from the people in their lives.
Emma Goldman once said, "The most violent element in society is ignorance."
Turning a blind eye is easier than facing the harsh reality. I charge you to come out as an ally. You don't know who in your life is struggling and afraid to be themselves. You could be the person that they seek comfort in and guidance from because they know you're a safe zone.
Being an ally can mean many things. It can mean you openly discuss and talk about LGBTQ+ topics and issue. It can mean that you share that video on Facebook of a transgender homecoming queen or that you re-tweet one of NOH8 Campaign's tweets.
The most important thing is that you showcase to the people in your life that you stand for equality and that you stand against hate and discrimination.
Now go be proud and out because you deserve to be your true self.
P.S. The guys featured in the cover photo is the band Priory and the title of this article are lyrics from their song "Put 'Em Up." The song is inspired by the band member, Brandon Rush's brother's experiences as a gay man. The music video also paints a beautiful story in accepting yourself and your body.
