Hey you,

The girl who keeps on running from everyone and everything in her life. I know how you feel because I am like you too.

We have a habit of running from everything that is good in our life. Everything that we love or care for. Why do we do this? Why can't we enjoy the happy moments and seek satisfaction in it? Why do we have to ruin it all by leaving?

I have several theories for it actually. I think a part of me is terrified of being left behind yet again. After all these years of being abandoned by the people I loved and cared for the most, I think I assume automatically that anyone I love now is going to leave me after a point. So, whenever I see that I might end up getting hurt again I get up and leave. Without so much as a glance or a goodbye. Before being abandoned by the other person. I tell myself that this is for the good, that attachments suck and you will come back anyway, this is just temporary. But, you and I both know that these are all lies. We are just trying to distance ourselves so we won't feel the hurt when they leave. Because, in the end they would. Leave us. Because if people in our past who said they loved ultimately left us, then how could these new people be any different? Why would their love be any different?

And I know it is wrong. We both do. But, sometimes you gotta protect your heart, you know? Regardless of the consequences. But this is not what worries me anymore, I know it doesn't bother you too. Leaving and running has become a part of us now. What is scarier is the feeling to want to stay. It would be so easy if, for just one moment, we let our guards down and didn't think the worst of the people. It would be really easy to actually believe them when they say that they are here to stay. But, the question is, is it enough? Are they enough to make us stay?

Yes, that is what scares me even more, that if I were to introspect I would find that even though I love them dearly it is not enough to make me stay. Friends and family are a good enough reason to stay but sometimes it is not enough, at least not for us. And so, it is easier for us to run and forget everything about ourselves. It is easier to forget our problems and worries in some new place where no one knows us. Don't you feel the same? Don't you feel like running off to some unknown place where not a soul knows you?

I do, I wish I could be in a new place all the time. But, it's not easy because a part of me would like to stay. To make memories at a single place and love people around me. I want to stay and not be afraid that I am not good enough, that people will leave me behind because I am not good enough to stay for. And even though I don't say it out loud, I don't like being alone. I never did. But isn't it better to be alone on your own accord than to be abandoned by the people you love the most? That is the question that keeps haunting me. And so, in order to deflect it I run. And you do too.

But, we can't keep running, can we? Someday, we will have to stop. Someday, we will find a reason important enough to stay and stay put for a while. And frankly, I can't wait for that day to come. Because, I am tired, oh-so-tired of running every day. However, I couldn't stop even if I wanted to. So, all I can hope is that someday soon, I will find a reason strong enough to stay and then maybe I can rest for a while and do all the things that I wanted.

Maybe you can do it too. All we need is a reason to stay. Just long enough to make it work.

Just long enough to show that this time, it really is different.