First and foremost, Mom and Dad - if you’re reading this… to “turn up” is the college slang equivalent to getting intoxicated. Don’t worry, I’m about to make you proud parents… I hope.
F.O.M.O. is so real and so relevant (It’s the fear of missing out, Mom). There’s nothing that makes me sweat more than seeing friends’ Snapchat stories on a Wednesday night out while I’m at home bathing in some Panda Paws ice cream. I could be missing out, what if the girls making national history without me… but, you know what?! It’s cool to not always be “turnt.” I’ve done some scientific research to support my theory as to why this is cool. These are my findings.
1. More money for Chipotle.
You know, instead of spending money on drinks, I could be saving money to put toward tuition. It’s so important to be fiscally responsible, right? But seriously, I’ll probably spend my weekly allowance at Chipotle (Eh, just kidding. Probably Moes. I’ll take a hard pass on E. Coli).
2. More time to binge-watch "Law and Order."
Having a surplus of time to watch Netflix and chill is so essential for us college students. Except when Netflix asks me approximately six consecutive times, “Are you still watching Law and Order: SVU?” I do get slightly offended. Um, are you judging me, Netflix? Yes, of course I’m still watching SVU. Now please let me be. Olivia Benson is teaching me how to be an OG badass.
3. You can groutfit so hard at home.
The second thing that makes me sweat the most is trying to pick out an outfit to wear for a night out. I think all females can relate in the fact that picking out an outfit is both physically and emotionally draining. So, instead of worrying about whether or not my clothes-to-skin ratio is acceptable, I can just throw on some sweats and a hoodie. BAM! Groutfit mode: ACTIVATED.
4. More time for homework
This is obviously the most important reason to stay home. Just kidding, turn dat Netflix back on. You can do it. I believe in you.
5. I’m really freakin’ weird without alcohol, anyway.
It’s true, I don’t need to be “turnt” to have fun. I want to be able to remember all the terrifyingly embarrassing things I’ve done in my time… Like driving in reverse through the Wendy’s drive-thru at 2 a.m. completely sober… Great memories, really. And if you know me, you know how weird I am and how much I value other fellow weirdies. But don’t get the wrong idea. It’s a good weird. Weird is awesome. Weird is cool.
Listen, no judgement thrown for those of you that live to get lit. It's just as cool if you can drag yourself out of bed to go out and actually be social. I envy your motivation, but all I'm sayin’ is that I’m totally content sitting at home on a Saturday night and consuming my weight in peanut butter.
Plus, this totally helps me avoid all those frat boys doing the only “dance” move they know, over and over and over again: the dab. Enough said.
