All of us men remember when we first have to begin shaving.
You suddenly wake up one morning and while you're brushing your teeth, you notice them. The small hairs upon your upper lip have amassed, but rather than a Ron Swanson display of masculinity, they appear to be taking you down the path of pedophilia.
Unfortunately, not everybody's mustache is quite as glorious as Nick Offerman's right off of the bat.
Out come the shaving cream, the aftershave, the razor, and inevitably the bandages that wind up decorating your face. When it's all said and done, your face is smooth and shiny, and you went from looking 14 to looking 13 again.
Nice.
Fast forward a few years, your goal is just the opposite. Whether your purpose is to look older, or to appeal a woman in your life, you have decided to grow out your beard.
Not to be outdone, the process of growing your first beard manages to be even less glamorous than your facial shave. Your first beard is awkward and itchy. Patches of hair grow next to entire sections of clear skin. Parts grow in more quickly than others, and sometimes they don't even manage to connect to one-another.
And then for some men, a new horror arises. As your facial hair grows in more thickly, a new hue fills in. In fact, you don't even notice the true depth of your beard until you catch your own reflection while sunlight cascades upon your face, igniting your beard in all of its fiery potential.
To your dismay, you realize that the stories are true. You realize that this condition that you thought could never, ever, affect you has been waiting in the shadows all along for you to come of age.
You realize that you have a ginger beard.
Far too many men are living out this scene every single day, and realizing that they are now, too, victims of the very South Park jokes that they had once laughed at.
If you suffer from this ailment, the first thing is to know that you're not alone. Ginger beard syndrome is an entirely fictitious medical condition that nonetheless affects a number of individuals throughout the world. Be happy in the fact that the genetic disorder that causes one to grow a ginger beard is not life threatening, nor will it cause abnormalities other than the redness of your beard hairs.
Secondly, know that there are things that you can do to help reduce the intensity of your flaming beard. Obviously, you can stay clean shaven and prevent the red hairs from ever surfacing. Or, you can invest in beard dying kits in order to dye it to a darker color at home.
Third, and finally, try to change your mindset. Having a ginger beard is life-changing, but try to look at it from an optimistic point of view. Ginger beard syndrome is caused by having one mutated MC1R gene from one of your parents. If both parents had provided that same gene, you would have been a full-on ginger.
Count your blessings.
