Ghosting: the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by withdrawing from all communication suddenly and without explanation.

I’m not going to lie and pretend like I’ve never ghosted or been ghosted; I definitely have. I’m also not going to pretend like I don’t understand the reasoning behind those who ghost; that would be a lie, too. But, through all that, I see hardship in this culture of unexplained withdrawal. Instead of just seeing it as a means of protection, I can also see it as a means of perpetuating millennial stereotypes and feeding into fear.

The biggest problem with ghosting is not that it hurts the other person, nor is it the fact that it connects us too much to our phones. Instead, the biggest problem is that it feeds far too heavily into commitment issues, which are far more common than we would like to admit. Ghosting gives us an out; it allows us to back out at any time, no matter what the circumstance. Instead of telling the other person what they did wrong, or that you aren’t interested, you can simply stop talking to them and block them out of your life, never having to deal with situation. We have developed a fear of confrontation, which has caused us to find any way possible to get out of an uncomfortable position without having to talk to your partner about it.

That being said, there are certain circumstances in which ghosting is acceptable. Harassment, stalking, or inappropriate advances are just a few situations in which ghosting may be the best way to get out. Given this, if the reason you are cutting off communication is because you are simply not interested, or you are bored, you are not doing yourself any favors.

I have thought a lot lately about why this trend has come about in our society. What I have found, though, is that ghosting is far more complicated than just a fear of commitment, especially in females. Instead, ghosting is much more a result of men’s reaction to rejection. Tinder, Bumble, and other dating sites have shown horrible reactions to women turning down men’s advances. These reactions have risen fear in women, which make it so much easier to ghost a person than tell them to stop.

Like I said, I’m not going to pretend like I don’t understand why people ghost, but the end-all-be-all of this debate is communication. If our goal is to further our personal growth and create people skills that can help you later in life, ghosting is not benefitting you more than a little productive confrontation would, even if it is uncomfortable. We should be striving for clear lines of communication, especially in relationships, rather than closing ourselves off to the possibility of working our problems out. Life is a balance; find yours.